Thursday, May 26, 2016

Deep Inside, She Still Pinpricks

They're small fires to my skin
Sharply slight,
warmly cold
hurtfully relieving
That girl, who claims no longer to be
who she was once
still gnaws at me
with her past fragments
that burst forth so occasionally in my mind
telling me i'm borderline insane
telling me i'm nothingness
that life maybe doesn't exist
I hate her, she left me,
I hate her refusal to stay
there is not just one her, there are many hers
familiarly blending into one mass of regretted feeling

why did i care about you, why did i fucking care about you
And why does it still hurt to think about you
a changing name, a changing face, a changing voice and a changing heart
and you always thought i stayed the same
and maybe to you always i'll be a juvenile seventeen

what you can't see, the improvements beyond our former boundary
will never be known to you
but tears swell in my eyes pettily
as i cried on a shower floor, as i've choked on my own excess, and bashed skull against a wall

why did you leave me so inoppertunely?
did you think it wouldn't affect me?
any feeling besides your own,
and do you still occasionally think of me?

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