Wednesday, March 30, 2016

other eh

- i am now mostly active on MAL
- MAL is good because i am surrounded by people who give no fucks
- there are basically no PC people
- i mean there's obviously trump supporting idiocy but that's dealable. although i have seen a few sicko neonzis who i have reported and told to fuck off with their disguising bullshit. like, git off my site.
- i have actually met people who find me interesting without objecting who i am and even finding my quirkiness a little interesting, which at least gives me the illusion of having something to do outside of idling about and pretending that any job offers are actually going to get responded to
- in the least at least they're not saying "i'm not your diiiiiareh audrey"

- easter was shit
- consumerist and religious bullshit
- two of my least favorite things
- the only merit was the fact that i have a series of bath bombs and candy from it, bless my dad's splurging
- my mother spent easter predictably sitting on her skinny flab ass doing nothing of worth and i eventually ended up leaving the house in a sensory tizzy after essentially forcing myself to be unmoving like a fucking lug for hours awaiting her to do something of worth, a shaking nervous wreck who felt somehow only invigorated as far as anxieties went by doing, saying, and feeling nothing outstandingly magical, proving once again that my mother's house is just a memorial for everything i hate about my past self and old life
- even my sister didnt want to be there. she spends her life in that hovel she calls her room, she has the accommodations in there to nourish her for at least a few days i'd reckon.

- i watched hanamonogatari and found that takashi nasujima appears to have another daughter, her name being rouka numachi. that fucking unruly hair, shifty eyed, wholesomely sinister yet innocuous projection. yep, she's his alright. to the nasutrain with her. mugino, that yuu kid from hq!!, oikawa, and yuasa are already there, it's really stacking up....

- i want to write again but am at a loss for inspo, I mean I wrote THIS as part of my "CLASSLESS" fic, but it's nothing astounding:

In contemplation, in one section of the city, there was a pitiful soul who held her head lowly, dangling it over the breezy balcony of an apartment building’s unsteady railing. Her eyes vacantly roll upwards at nothing, at the blueness of the sky and the one contrail that forms for miles. One hand extended to the edges, splintering wood kneading into the pleats of her fingers, she aimlessly ponders the meaning of life wholly, the other shielding a small stomach protrusion unseen through the thickened layering of garments.

I don’t want to live callously in this world; I don’t want to be subject to cruelty for one more duration, no matter how long, no matter how short.

There was another pathetically parasitic thing inside her, scrabbling for the freedom to inflict its vengeance upon the world, just as sickeningly unwanted as she herself was sixteen years prior. It scratched at the walls of her swelling body, nursing dedicatedly on the succulence of her blood, connected to her in a way that could only be resolved through prodding ache or some other brutality.
This is not her’s, this life, is not her’s. This life only bears the label of her name, and none else, years prior the life began to belong to another, stolen, warped, and drenched in the particles of syrupy substance. Would it be so wrongfully unjust to scrap her fragments to cut the life from its bound tie to the individual it only gives power?

As she casts her saddened glance to the ground below, two hands emerge from a foreground,  latching onto a waist that hoists itself to the railing’s peak. A scream escapes from her throat before a muffling by another. It was the same sinister grip always used, it was the same invasively abrasive touch, sending her to petrified state.

“If you wished to die,” The blackness of a gooey voice slipped through the warmth of her ears, invading the plug of her senses tastelessly fondling the canal. “Today, you require my permission. Looking forward to plunging yourself from the planks of the building, praying they will break beneath… if that is what you crave, so badly, death…” The snaking tongue crept between her stale lips. “Then you have my authorization to do so, young lady.”
What’d lovingly cradled her, what’d groped and pressed her, what somehow strummed the chords of an instrument yet remained smoothly soft against the rawness of her skin, the hands of so many functions memorable and vying to be forgotten, pressed the indentation of a spine, with unknown strength, and tossed her entirely overboard.

What took the form of an accident, a faint howl tasting the bitter air, the red streaming between her legs, an abdominal cavity shrinking momentarily, the remains of two splayed on a sidewalk while the neighbor who’d only witnessed her drop and not heard an escaped cry from earlier, aided futilely. Above, the other feigned somber, lightly tapping the flimsy door, beckoning to the ghostly apparition of the departing. One, two, five, twenty, sixty. Seconds passed steadily as the elder woman came to his door panicked, the redness of the young girl’s fluids tipping her fingers.
#119, #119 was unable to salvage the young woman’s consciousness, the teenager’s vitals were lost in the crowded back of an ambulance. The medical tech declaring her deceased, the straddling elder tried hardest not to crack grins through the agonizing act.

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty little girl. Petite body, with skin as milky as a porcelain mannequin, facially dainty, dark featured, wide smiled with hinting sharpness. Oh, so, fine.

At 16:05 on Friday, an adolescent student, known as Girl X leapt from an apartment building’s balcony in attempt to end her life. She sustained consciousness for around half an hour, driven to Ikebukuro’s general hospital, however, her vitals flatlined prior to arrival after losing excessive amounts of blood. The sixteen year old reportedly was a subject of severe bullying. She was surrounded by her family when she died. Girl X was allegedly raped, and four months pregnant as confirmed in autopsy. Miscarriage of the child was the likely cause of the bleeding.

that's so fucked up lmao

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