Sunday, September 20, 2015


My sister had her second homecoming yesterday. She is a sophomore now, I was unaware she went to homecoming last year. The gathering between her and her many, many friends, aquaintances, and their parents and siblings, happened at a park that was half sinking, wet, ground from the previous day's rainfall, and sharp and pointed rocks that knobbed out and portruded at jaunty angles that made walking on them in heels virtually impossible. But the young people managed. My sister, who has almost outgrown me by this point in time (the painful realization when you realize you're forever stranded in average 5'6-5'8 land while your sibling pushes 5'9), looked leggy and stunning. All the girls dresses were equally stunning.

Can you tell which one is my sister?

Unfortunately, such beautiful scenery and attire is not without me acting like a fucking idiot, as I was the first to spear myself on the sharp, and frankly, hard stones after losing my footing on uneven surfacing. And I squeaked. I withheld the curses I wanted to scream rather loudly as the onlooking guys (the ladies dates, though the girls outnumbered them by a pretty fair ratio, surprised how many girls were without dates, it seems like for a lot of 15-16 year olds, dating someone used to DEFINE you, it's a refreshing change to see less boy craze) - and concerned parents, eyed me all at once while I staggered to my feet with an achy tailbone. Yes, as far as the rocks went, I'd hit a pretty dull one, but the lack of cushioning on my upper ass did not do me favors, and I found myself, even at what could be considered neutral posture and footing, to be hurting. And I still feel the effects of my idiocy, bleeding over into the next day, right now, as I sit in my bed flat and type this. Every. Fuckin'. Time. I move. My ass.

The contusion that it left is ironically very small, a tiny daub of purple above my ass crack compared to the pain that seems to seer whenever I move in the wrong way. It's funny how something bruises so small but impacts painfully enough, not to fully inhibit my movement, but enough to make me think "why did you have to spear your damn flat ass on a rock, Audrey?". This week has seemingly been a series of blunders.

Early in the week everything seemed to be going decently, though I was still recovering from the fact that my flaky friend flaked out on me on a Friday, fucking fuck fuck (note to self: stop trying to make shit alliterative).

like the Virgo he is, he slaved away at collegiate work all night and overslept, and apologized to me with a halfhearted "I disappoint people" excuse.

Yeah, Brandon, like I don't understand that. I've been disappointing people for the last five years of my life, what's good?

I don't even understand why I am still trying with him. Because I am hopelessly addicted to the idea that he's a good person, but he's also a workaholic and that clearly interferes with a. Lot of shit? I should just stop needlessly wandering around the subject here.

Aside from that, what was formerly my grandmother's cat watch broke on Wednesday. One of the fasteners holding the watch strap in place snapped and fell onto my floor. The clutter made it impossible to relocate, so I eventually admitted defeat and set the watch's remaining parts aside. On Friday, after a safe day of no breakage, I hit a double whammy. In the middle of classes, less than 30 minutes prior to end of the week early release, my sandal strap snapped. This wouldn't have been such an issue if the sandals in question weren't two inch platforms. I proceeded to absentmindly exit school shoeless and drive to get food. Of course, I realized that it would be quite hard to get food, at a walk in sandwich restaurant, with no shoes. So I forced myself to do it in broken ones. Which was only moderately annoying. Moderately. When I got home and took my every 30 minute break on the can, my elastic underwear snapped. Apparently my hips were too fat for some shoddily made VS elastic undies. Thanks, Vicky.

Yesterday, the air conditioning in my father's car proceeded to stop working midday. Luckily it wasn't that stinkin' hot out.

Have I become some kind of bad luck magnet or charm? Has Lonely Boy's flakiness put some kind of curse upon me that I can only rid myself of if I can convince him to stop being so lonely? Nooooo one knows! All I know is that shit keeps breakin' when I'm around.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

More dresses

I have a surprising amount of "casual-formal", if that's even a thing, dresses in my wardrobe, some from thrifting in the last few months while others are older pieces

Up, Up, and Away.

This one was originally sold at Anthropologie retailing for about 128 bucks. I don't know what the thrift price was because my sis bought it for me as a birthday gift, but it's very nice. My main issue with it lies in the fact that it's been stretched out slightly by someone chestier than me, and the fact that I feel I no longer have the ample cleavage to pull it off as well as a curvier woman would.

It's also an XS, which is of course, XS, fits pretty well in everything but the chest, I usually wouldn't call myself an XS…

The other issue with the chest is that it hangs low and my parents complain endlessly about how I'm showing too much tittayyyy. Not like I'm naked, guise. Also, I'm a flat board. Of course in the above pic I adhered to the bitching just to avoid more altercation (goddamn bandeau), but I digress.

The shame in not having DD tits anymore, tho. The shame.

Graduation dress

Technically, I wasn't graduating last year, I was just rooting for everyone who was. And trying to impress the salutatorian. Of course, like my over emotional and sappy self I ended up crying and quickly my hopes turned to ruin. If you haven't guessed it I wore this for Flaky Guy from the Week In Hell post. Eh, I still do care about him. That's the sad thing.

It's a nice dress, and the underlying slip cinches nicely around my boobs and hips, except the way the belted part, or whatever you'd call it is set, where it just makes me look odd and boxy for some reason. I mean, the dress is much more appealing in real life than in photograph, but I personally think in hindsight the cut isn't as well fit to my body type… ugh…

Floral Hell

I like florals, to an extent. They aren't nearly as flirty as dots, but the right color scheme really does do florals justice on me. This one, of course, is not helping me in the chest department, much like the Up and Away dress I think someone chestier could pull it off more effortlessly, but its waistline is better set than the previous dresses'. This was another thrift find. It's a 4; so the waistline is looser than expected, but it fits.

This has to be my favorite and most worn of the bunch, though to be fair it is also the oldest as well. I loooove love looooove this dress with all my vintage polka dot heart. It's showy without being overbearingly slutty, it's flirty without being classless or what people would deem as "trashy", it reaches just high enough to show leg without showing too much. The ruffles create the illusion of larger breasts, so I need not worry about looking flat, and a smaller waistline! It's so fuckin' perfect!

Not to mention I also have a cardigan with an inverted color scheme, also dotted, that corresponds well with this.

Lastly, and the newest addition

My buddy received this dress by proxy through her pastor, who I'm guessing is female, if females can be as such, and if not, then he's probably a close family friend with daughters? I don't know the story behind it, obviously, so I too received it by proxy from my friend, SEREEEEENAAAAAHHH (that's the way you pronounce her name in ~dramatic~ Spanish), being one of her friends and also probably the only size 2 among them, though I was skeptic at first that I'd fit in it at all.

After seeing the brand name though, I was determined to do what I could with it. Goddamn Anna. Fuckin'. Sui. Checked the tag and shit's made of real silk too. These things usually retail for two to six hundered bucks, maybe less considering it's a strappy dress and considerably old by now (I've tried asking around reddit and yahoo and skimming Sui's collections from the past, as well as using the product number? But to no avail, sadly, I wanted to know the original name and original price, dammit), but still, expensive designer dress, yeah?

Fortunately it fit like a charm, snugly around my chest without choking me, and loosely fanning out around my legs like it should. Perfect. I swear to god I am now forever in Sereeeena's debt for this dress. I ain't even kiddin'. I am so happy and so grateful for some reason.


When I was fifteen, I was a fat trainwreck. Albeit a big tittied fat trainwreck (booooooobs, where art thou now?), but after examining an unfortunate photo of my body from 2011-2012? ish, I can honestly say that my weight loss is more noticeable than I imagined. Still not even close to how thin I want to be, but a significant improvement over the pudgebucket in the floral bikini.

Twenty pounds, hope you stay gone.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Overdress, underdressed

I censored my own face here because I look fuckin wretched

Sunday, September 6, 2015

SNSD - "Lion Heart" MV

I'm long overdue for this, mainly because I've spent the last week griping about how terrible things are for me, so it's time for a refresher break. Time to review My Daughters' second, or first, whatever it's considered, title track, Lion Heart.

Where do I begin with the MV? Well, the styling is on point, the girls almost all look impeccable, minus Sunny to an extent, whose stylist dun fucked up worse than PARTY this time 'round. The blonde, at least, is offputting. The red is okay.

Where do I begin with "Lion Heart"? Well, it's certainly no PARTY, it's not a typical summer fare, nor is it exactly an edgy romp in the vein of "You Think". It hearkens back to Dancing Queen, which I know there is a certain divide of opinions on, some enjoyed the "Mercy" remake, and others abhorred it. Since I personally liked it, I liked "Lion Heart".

Lion Heart is certainly far from SNSD's strongest title track, but it certainly is up there with their stronger songs post-Jessica. It's not as messy as CMIYC, it's not a snorefest like PARTY, but it's a light and relatively safe vintage romp, it's not perfect, it's far from, but it is a pretty decent tune overall, it doesn't quite pique my interest like You Think did from the first listen, but the girls as usual bring their flair to the affair with their vocal styles, I've always liked the way that SNSD has harmonized, so shockingly not, I enjoy it here.

The video is a bit of a confusing venture,  or rather, it's intending to tell a story, but really goes nowhere, it's not exactly a "cohesive" story even though it's supposed to be plot-driven, and while the styling and outfits are impeccable this era (thank you, based SM!), I can't help wonder, what the fuck is with the Furry pandering ass Lion shit. I get that the lion is supposed to be representing the shit boyfriend being sung about, and that "Lion Heart" is a play on words for "Lying Heart" (or "Lyin' Heart" if you want to pronounce it correctly), but really? Dude be lookin' like he just strutted out from a furry convention.

Someone on AKP actually alleged that the dude in the fursuit was Shindong voluntarily assuming the role for Free Pizza. More details at 11.

So now S&M SM Entertainment has ventured into Furry Territory, there is a fear that they may never find their way back. Yall motherfuckers need Jesus.


In all seriousness, who the fuck is such a stupid fucking fuck who thinks he won't be caught cheatin' on 8 bitches. Dude traipsing around like he ain't gonna get caught. I get that it's supposed to be for comedic effect, but meh, it's kind of a flat attempt. My favorite part of the video is basically when the girls start shitting on him. Actually, my favorite part is when Furry Fuck is implied murdered by Hyoyeon.

The real value of the video shines in its aesthetic and fashion value, honestly. Most of the girls look marvelous, primarily Taeyeon, who has been looking adorable this era. Reiterating what I said in my You Think post, her stylist deserves all the accolades. Bitch couldn't look ugly if she tried. Even Hyo this era is looking relatively good. The fashion of the video reflects the retro style of the song, and the scenery accompanying it, very well, from the vibrant patterns and colors featured during the early dance sequences, to the demure and light florals featured later on, the fashion is very fitting to the era they're trying to emulate, and I looooove it. That combined with the styling and the scenery (the backgrounds, yay, SM, you ventured outside the dance in a box!). Of course, all the outfits within the video are allegedly designer (though given SNSD's checkered fashion past, they may be "homages" or plagiarized versions of the designer garments, which I personally don't care about, whether or not they are or aren't is not my concern, but whether they're cute or not to me is) so they're out of normal budget range for anyone, unless your grandmama or mama can be like one of SNSD's stylists and replicate that shit completely (I call it "illegally downloading a dress").

The only member, as I mentioned beforehand, whose hair was even the slightest bit problematic was Sunny's, but I think I'll adjust to it eventually. I liked long hair PARTY Sunny better, bish should've kept that long red weave.

Aside from that, there were also a few scenes where the circle lenses were gazing deeply into the crevices of my soul, but that's alright. It's not exactly RV's Ice Cream Cake level soullessness.

Overall I'd say for SNSD, especially post-Jessica, Lion Heart is a solid effort. Visually, Lion Heart is the stronger video in terms of styling and fashion, even if You Think remains the fiercer and more memorable tune. Minus the odd attempt at a plot and the furry madness, Lion Heart is a pretty solid music video production, and the song itself, while nothing particurally *special*, is enough. Is is SNSD's best comeback effort? No. Is it missing something? Yes, in a sense, a very notable component is missing from the group, that a lot of people find difficulty adjusting to. Jessica's departure has weakened SNSD in a sense indefinitely, even if they have come out with decent songs thereafter, most are used to OT9, thinking that SNSD would always be 9. the absence of her vocals and presence is a weird thing indeed. With SNSD being a notable girlgroup with what was once a solid, cohesive lineup, many have taken Jessica's departure as a detriment to SNSD, and to an extent, it has been.

Unfortunately, the Lion Heart album and title songs are flopping on certain charts, compared to their past releases, proving that even the top singers in K-pop can eventually be dethroned by their "adoring" public. I think the girls can still go strong, despite recent controversy. They are not in their "Gee" days anymore, it is no longer their viral hayday, but they still have the capability to perform. And their stages for this era have been good. Bitches can suck my ass. I like this era quite a bit, lol.

Ok, now it's Time for Taeyeon!