Friday, July 24, 2015

Reflecting on my past idiocy: I was a radfem and for that I apologize: Anti Kpop Fangirl deserves an apology even if it's been years since my bitching

When I was sixteen I was a fucking idiot. Or fifteen. Even at seventeen, I was a fucking idiot. The idiocy seeped through my bones, might as well have jizzed out my lady parts. I was literally 100% IDIOT at those ages.

About and to AKF, years in the making after I composed and took the time to write a post slamming your site for idiotic reasons--

I may not agree with everything they say and I may not put idols on a pedestal at this point, since a few years ago? I had an eating disorder and myself idolized to look like them, only to lose such an excess amount of weight that I was nearly anorexic, hell, I was anorexic. I didn't eat jack shit. I still weigh around 110-112 lbs to this day but I suffer from  issues because of what I did to my body. I'll admit, I came to terms with myself, and the fact that I also had attraction to girls, and admitted that I was jealous of the idols, but that they weren't sufficient health, or weight goals. Goo Hara, especially.

Anyway, moving on, my bitching about AKF, for them it was undeserved bitching. I sounded like a sjw bitch or a radical feminist. No, I was. I blatantly fetishized idols that were male at the time and was jealous to yell about the females, because they were skinny. What a bitch thing to do in hindsight. 

For that, especially, I'd like to say I'm sorry. For burying girls six feet underneath for the favor of my own vanity. 

You know what? It's the idol industry. It's not supposed to be realistically obtainable. It's supposed to be glamorous and foreign. Doesn't mean it is something to aspire to be. And overtime, I have learned that, as I struggled with the pain and agony of an ED and the constant fluctuating feelings of inferiority and superiority as I lost so much weight.

The truth is I was so blinded by my own idiocy, rooted in how vapid and shallow I was, that I condemned a blog that clearly posted some humorous / satirical / non serious content. And now I realize howerroneous that mistake was.

. Anti Kpop Fangirl never did anything to personally offend my fifteen to sixteen year old self, I was a whiny pussy with no filter and no willingness to censor what I spewed from my mouth. And what I spewed from my mouth was bullshit. I'm sorry it had to be read by hundreds and that the mod / mods had to waste time calling me out on it.

We all learn from our mistakes, but that was a massive one. I hope people realize that 2012-2013 era me was a moron.  And a raging bitch.

I am an adult now, and over a year ago ago, realized  the error of my younger ways. It has taken forever to think up an apology for them.

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