Thursday, April 30, 2015

I....

I wish i could say it was easy. I wish I could say it was easy to admit my feelings. But I can't. I can't. And it hurts me more than anything not to say those words.

I Think. I Feel. Something. For You.

Say something. Do something. I'm giving up on you. If you love me, let me know.

If you don't, then go. Go, I can already sense you're going to go.

Nobody ever stays for me. You won't stay for me. You won't wait for me. If you do, it's never going to come out.

I've been thinking about you on and off since Christmas vacation. I hate it. I hate it. I haven't found anyone who makes me feel this way. I can't describe how i feel. My tongue is swollen, my lips are dry and crackled, I can't approach you without a blush creeping up on my cheeks.

I'm thinking far too in advance that I could hurt you, that I could hurt you with my past. with my mental and emotional baggage. You seem like the kindest person, but could it all be a facade. Who you are fully I cannot tell but I see in you some of the kindliest traits in a human being, but I'm scared, that like me, you have vices.

Moreover, someone as perfect as you doesn't deserve me. Nobody deserves me. I throw myself a pity party and then the next week a congratulatory celebration. I am a mess. I don't think you could handle me at my worst, but I'm scared to find out whether you can withstand me or not

I'm scared of you because you make me feel powerful things and emotions that no one really does. I've always been a loner, but I want to talk to you, despite how tongue tied I feel whenever I merely see you. I feel like you could be the exception to my social retardation, but I prove myself wrong, every time, because your adorable face, your soft brown eyes, your taller height, just make me run, run away to the nearest place of safety. It's awful. I feel like I'm drowning in terror, like water is filling my lungs to capacity slowly. I'm just. Stupid.

This girl's fallen stupid for you. She's so stupid. She's such a fool.