Wednesday, October 1, 2014

nobody cares #1

so i finally began to take roughage again, i.e. what is essentially my natural laxative supplement. I've had frequent constipation since I was a kid. And unfortunately, the results were disasterous. Whilst one girl was puking in the loo today, I of course, was.. well, that you can figure out for yourself. No, the aforementioned girl isn't bullimic, she, like me, has problems with supplements and meds, and as a result , her body reacts to it violently.

The only upside to this disgusting and constant loose stool is that I have finally rid myself of pesky stomach pain.

Monday, September 29, 2014

lately though

i have been downtrodden by stomachache
so for the next week i've vowed to avoid junky, fast food, however, since I'm still suffering from the ache, I think it's not the cause of the damn thing.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

school

today, some chick asked me honestly if I had a mental problem, and I answered, like an idiot, with a yes. And then came the wave of inquiries that would undoubtedly send me to the bathroom later for five minutes to sit and rethink my decision to even admit to her that.

Why are people so fucking concerned when they find out you're sick in the head? What is so significant and question worthy about clinical, chronic depression, that this normal girl wants to know? I made this shit for myself, by even saying it, but still, the imposition high schoolers employ on their poor introvert peers…
JEESUS I just had to go to the washroom to escape it I can't deal with being asked so many questions and thereafter being shown numerous websites of positivity!

I know this girls trying to help but she'd be doing better by leaving me the fuck alone.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

social justice sticklers and the repercussion that they'll face

also im going to be honest and completely honest

you guys with the special snowflake attitude and the nobody understands me schtick need to realize that

in the real world, NOBODY will tolerate your bullshit and you will be literally left alone and miserable spouting shit like “cis peeple die”

 in the real world you have to act like an adult- not a child throwing a tantrum. Nobody will take you seriously if you hold one person rallies against things that most people don’t even understand because, by GOD! they’re not users of tumblr and not devout “social justice” freaks

 though this pretty much applies to anyone with immature behavior and nothing that fully contradicts or compensates for it. Including, sometimes, me. You are literally fucked if you keep up your crap, potential employers will find out all you’ve done. I am not lying. And if they find your online history, well, then that little eulogy will likely prevent you from being hired. Nobody wants a nutjob with an attitude problem and an ego the size of Texas representing their company. NO ONE. Your online history is an open book and I too will eventually face repercussions for my own misgivings here as well. We all may make mistakes. But threatening to exterminate an entire group will be perceived as a form of terrorism. I guarantee. 

Monday, May 26, 2014

The angry me's back

I don't even... look like a person. I look like the shell of one.
Given, my pneumonia was worse friday, but... this is my current mood.

EDIT: this was taken two days before my hospital admission. I completely forgot. i'm pretty sure the anger's permenantly embedded on my face, or was, at this point in time.

....

Well, back to shit again, I've been diagnosed with pneumonia. The crowd cheers. Wildly. And I cough on them all for their insolence.

You know, life sucks lately. I'm at a loss for inspiration, eleven or twelve days I've been ill, three days out of that I've been drunk, and three of those drunk days, I've posted things that have further aggravated tensions that I was trying to leave dormant, because when I'm buzzed, when I'm fully drunk even, under the influence of vodka! I don't know what I'm flippin' doing! But nobody cares about that, it's the mistakes you make under the influence that humiliate and make people unfollow without explanation and demean without context, calling you things like 'creepy stalker'!

It's really great. It's so great it makes me want to unlock the gunsafe that belongs to my mom's BF, take out a hunting rife, stick it as close to my mouth as possible, and pull that bloody trigger! It's that great! Thanks for the reconsiderations regarding suicide, you heinous human beings! You wanna see me die? Don't you??!!!! YOU WANT IT, DON'T YOU, IGNORANT FILTH?! ESPECIALLY YOU, YOU'RE THE FILTHIEST PIG OF EM' ALL, WALLOWING IN YOUR MUD, GIGGLING AT MY PNEUMONIC STATE AND MY ADMISSIONS OF SELF HATRED?

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Sunday, April 6, 2014

full suicide text ///// fucked up world.docx (TRIGGER WARNING)

well don't say  I didn't warn you with that title. Spanned 8 pages in MS Word. 4897 words total.

If you are not easily triggered, click past the break. Keep in mind that this was me in mid-March. I mean, I've recovered at an astounding rate but tbh I'm still depressed sometimes soooo  please don't insult my sensitive little self thanks it takes a lot of guts to post this. I posted it to my tumblr originally if you wanted to find it you could but no I'm posting it here for reasons I don't quite understand


Monday, March 31, 2014

So, ever since that shitstorm... *life update*

Wow, what the hell have I done on this blog? Nothing, clearly. Nothing, really. A whole lot of nothing. I've not even visited the likes of AKF or SS in months.

There's nothing I can really fill you in on, there's some things I might not mention, for personal reasons. Perhaps, after this is posted, I'll redirect you to my new tumblr. Maybe I won't. I don't know. This girl doesn't want to hurt anymore. I'm in a better place now, even if sometimes, I wish that better place was hell.... or even heaven, or some abyss where I'd drift for eternity, after committing suicide....

Moving along, this post is going to talk about a lot. It's nothing you should read if you want to insult me.... not sure if any of you AKF bitches still hang around this dingy little blog I own, but I should take the precaution of including a break.

forewarning: the following will contain vulgar language, mentions of -phobis, suicide,  cutting, and many more potentially triggering subjects. if you feel uncomfortable at any time, stop reading. Resume your reading if you get ahold of yourself. If you don't feel like you can read further, please don't. I don't wish to burden you, and I definitely don't wish to give you suicidal thoughts.


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Seventhstyle banned me

i don't need to say shit
this speaks for itself
i'm so sorry for having an opinion, Seven.


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

eeww


Taken after a roadtrip
I wanted to faint
roadtrips suck whale dick

Now looking back on not only do I look buttfuxkingly shitty but the tongue expression is also exceptionally emo 

good job uglying yourself up audrey

Lonely is my company


emofags way to bottom of social ladder

perpetually unpopular

can I drop out yet?





deeply inhales, doesn't exhale


ugh

I need to change the layout of this blog because it looks like shit.

I never plan to launch an attack on AKF even if they make me feel like complete and utter shit

Iets make up a lame ass cheer shall we

WHO WOULD LOSE TO AKF
ME ME ME!
WHOSE THE UCIFF
ME ME ME!
(・Д・)

WHO'S THE POWERLESS PITIFUL BITCH HERE
ME ME ME!
WHO'S GOT THE GUTS TO TRY AND FIGHT HERE?
NOT ME ME ME!

what doesn't hate me in this world?

my cat
that's pretty much it

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Shitfaced for two days

I rang in the New Year with a semi hangover and a shitty fucking headache. Mind you, I'd had only two Grey Goose/Soda combos and yet, felt pitifully dizzy, drunk and stupid. 

Tonight, I had a glass o' wine, alongside three I Can't Remember the Name of the Vodka / DP cocktails. After finishing my third, I was so fucking dizzy I couldn't stand straight. Couldn't type properly. I was shivering, and then I was overheated. I was a fucking anxious mess who'd had yet to take her meds and was clearly as drunk as a motherfuckin' skunk. So, after a rather numbing bath, embarrassing tumblr posts, and a stumble into the wall, I finally crashed. Thank god it was on my bed. 11:30. I ACTUALLY SLEPT BEFORE 12 AM.

I woke up at 3 with the sudden urge to shit and a disgusting stomachache. Later it was accompanied by blaring headache. I ended up shitting about 5 lbs worth of diherreal mess.

This is a true testimony as to how bad my alcohol tolerance is and why you should never let me within ten feet of your liquor cabinet. Way to ring in the new year, audrey, by being an idiot.

I'm pretty sure my life right now is summed up in a few of tpr's lyrics

Everyday I wake up, everyday I wake up alone
Kill me
Just kill me