Saturday, December 14, 2013

miraculously enough my knee hi converse from seventh grade still fit on my monstrous calves

Monday, December 9, 2013

The virtual cat's purring makes me miss my real kitty....

my baby kitty.
Gena's around 12 now but she's still my baby. I lay with her every night in bed, I allow her to sleep next to my face.

When I'm away from her, I feel sadder at night.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/e28ace0a4ef5898fa6bc4d27acb88210/tumblr_mxgk5wM8cb1ryr1z3o1_1280.jpg

guess who?

A girl who rips people off, is a vapid bitch who photoshops herself into oblivion and is generally a fucking little parasite that encourages EDs in girls?

YOU GUESSED IT!
FELICE FAWN!

I wish my parents would stop overfeeding me

My father says the reason why I feel bloated is because I don't eat enough.

















But i'm inclined to believe it is, in fact, because he is overfeeding me.

39 kg, in my nightmares

the fact that Hyuna weighed less than my sister, who is exceedingly thin, while being slightly shorter than her, during Bubble Pop! promotions is just another reason for me to hate the kpop industry

Hyuna at about 45 kg, her body is scary and you can see the bitch's ribs, but at 39 she looked skeletal I bet. So glad I never watched any BP perfs. I think I would have had the desire to throw up my lunch.

Not because of the anorexic state of her body, but because of my uncontrollable desire to be thinner, thinnest, nothing. one day maybe I'll just wither away from being too thin.

Thinspo just needs to be removed from the internet. then maybe I won't feel so fat.

UhOhBro - More Like Uh Oh, I Just Lost Half My Followers - Onision's Bullshit #9000

the other reason why I'm feeling like a worthless fat sack of burlap is Onision, who once again, has exceeded my expectations in Douchebaggery.

just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.

See, he made two videos about cutting. These included very triggering images, the same types of images that have urged me to almost relapse in the past. He talked about, in both videos, how he thought all cutters were selfish and attention seeking, and that because they aren't starving, homeless or severely ill like Children in Africa, they shouldn't be anything but happy.

This guy has obviously never heard of a mental illness. Depression can be hereditary, and you are, more often than not, likely to have it if your intermediate family does. My mother is depressed. And bipolar. She doesn't admit how she feels openly and I rarely see her cry, but she is clearly sad underneath her happy exterior. And you know what? I'm sad too. I don't know why I started feeling sad, maybe I was born that way. From the time I was about 6 I was a very timid, shy child who really didn't seem to enjoy much in life. That's why, at age 8, I was forced into a therapist appointment and, you guessed it, given depression meds meant for adults.
My depression wasn't intentional. I didn't make it happen. It JUST HAPPENED. I didn't choose to take the meds, I was perscribed them. Years later, I had to have another perscription filed in order to help my anxiety. This shit can be inherited. I never asked to be a mental mess, it just happens to be in my DNA.
Depression and anxiety can stem from many other different things. bullying, having no self worth, EDs, general lack of happiness, etc. 

It's fucking ironic that this man, who claimed that he put a gun to his head, who claimed he had chronic depression, who claimed he would help the depressed; is mocking cutters and the depressed. This liar was never depressed. He clearly does NOT understand the feelings of a person with depression, otherwise, he would not be belittling the young men and women who slit their wrists.

As a former cutter, the video really made me ill. Like, literally, my stomach was churning. I started sobbing like a baby three quarters through the video.

Greg, we may not come from the poverty stricken background that the children in Africa do, but that does not mean that we can't, or rather, that we DON'T, have problems. Everyone has problems. For many it is not easy to overcome their problems.

Don't talk like you know about cutting. You were never a cutter. I refuse to believe you were depressed. Don't talk like you know the thousands of men and women who watch the blood drip down their wrists everyday. You don't.

Your access to the internet should be revoked, you fucking cunt.

cassie you are to fucking blame

sorry girl, but as a close friend, I must pass the blame onto you for showing me shmegeh's blog. I mean, no offense, it's just that, every time I go there, I feel like she impacts me negatively, and further reinforces my once nearly Ana status. And that's bad. 

My childhood friend recently ended up in the hospital with an ED and acc to my sister if I don't stop being obsessive with my body (which she says is a less severe ED itself) then I'm next. I don't think i'm next. It's just that, when I run across the likes of Michelle and Felice I feel very worthless compared to them, and ugly. In spite of them being sticks they still manage to keep a very pretty face. Meanwhile I'm just this bulbous nosed, round faced mutant creature.

K-Pop just makes me feel inferior .it's the bodies. it's the faces. it's the popiness and happiness of it all that makes me want to suffer. Suffering while they live their slave contract lives out with plenty of money, even if they're fucking miserable; knowing that they will amount to more than I ever will depresses me.

I literally cried my ass off last night like a fucking baby over all this shit.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Also, AKF

I'm not an UCTAWC, I'm a UCiFF.

I'm a fat little fuck. I make Suzy look like a supermodel!

by the by

The Greg drama is physically draining me as well.

I can't deal with this psycho any longer, he's going to drive me to cut again, that's how triggering his type is to me.

shit

I'm never in the mood to insult those more famous than me anymore. I'm never in the mood to call anyone ugly. I'm fatigued as fuck and the doctor said I have to be tested for iron deficiency.

I also feel like a fat fuck who's gaining weight around her thighs because she isn't working out as much and her father is trying to fatten her up to 130 lbs again.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Dramarama - Onision: So by Onision's logic....

Any female haters he has desperately want to fuck him...
LOL
even the idea of having any form of contact with Gerg makes me NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE the fuck out

Sorry Greggies, I know you're too busy fapping to us decent looking and cute female haters' profiles, but we don't do the same. The exact opposite. I photoshop your selfies into shit like this instead.
Satan himself!

Onision is such a self righteous, selfish prick. He continues to exhibit that he is. 
You have to be very much in love with yourself, to delude your followers and yourself into thinking that your 'haters' all want to bang your brains out.

Trust me, I'd bang your brains out, but not in the way you suggest. I'd be using a gun. Bang Bang. Ain't no sex involved, just plain bang bang killing.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

listening to Modern Times

TBH, I quite like IU's new album. Her others I didn't find as interesting, but MT is quite good! I admittedly do have a few Last Fantasy songs on my iPod, but imho this is her best album, and will remain so until she releases a better one; I quite like the feel of it!

this has been a useless post.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

twitpic: costume

I'm actually being something innocent, yet skanky at the same time, say hello to strawberry shortcake....

Twitpic

the only problem is that it needs the fucking bonnet, so ofc have to go back and get one from the halloween store tomorrow

I look like shit in the face...............

Friday, October 4, 2013

Sick of idols, just want to listen to the music

to be honest, I'm kind of sick of idols, and the kpop industry, the only think I really give a shit about anymore is whatever music being churned out that I like... I rarely watch MVs or shows, let alone even give a shit about my former biases anymore, I just don't care, the music for me is really all that's there, I'll keep up with the news, but I feel like getting involved in it... is just going to end badly for me.

I'm sick of this dumb, vain, fantasy-land that kpop tries to be, I'm sick of seeing the sticky sweetness on top, when beneath there is a filthy underbelly, a nasty part of the kpop industry, couch casting, assault, forced surgery, slave contracts.

The kpop industry is not all it appears to be, not everything it releases is golden

it's like the Gilded age; outlined in gold for the watchers, the readers, the listeners, the consumers, and the money starved producers but for the idols, it's hell on earth. It's so tacky and fake, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of regular TV and MVs, they're just... ugh. Regardless of the country, I just feel like every single thing is fake and has a disgusting side to it... I don't feel like participating in certain things, and when I do, I'm negative. Negative negative. My outlook on life is cynical and bitter. Bitter like coffee, with added prune juice flavor or some shit.

I'm never satisfied with life anymore, I seriously feel like there is nowhere that I'm going. Even if I have people who support me I will never be truly, truly happy. Meds only help so much.

KARA be disbanding...

Well, I was kind of a fan of their music, except I still hate Alien Face with a passion... oh well. 
They've pulled teh disbanded card on us now, pretty much, IDK about them being able to make it as a three member group as supposed to five... it's not the same.

Now that Nicole's gonna be gone, who's gonna be there to make the engrish lines sound... decent, and is Nikki probably one of my favorites of them going back to the states?

Whatever, they couldn't have kicked the alien bitch with the twelve year old body out of the group instead? As a dedicated Hara hater, I am bothered! I know they chose not to review their contracts, but why couldn't she have chosen not to renew? The only overly skinny cunt in kpop I can stand is Sooyoung... the only one, they're all overly skinny cunts but there are especially skinny bitches I can't fucking stand, and one of 'em is GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

02

yes, the truth is, I will never be satisfied with my weight... I brag about losing said amt of weight but I still have insecurities about, ofc, body fat, anywhere. Which I guess is perfectly normal, but I'm me, and I swear, sometimes, I take things to painfully obsessive levels.

I don't even count calories, I just nitpick, nitpick, and nitpick at every little body discrepancy that i have... and compare my stature to someone who has a different type of body entirely, or is clearly unhealthy.......

110 lbs again!

Well, it appears since the last time I weighed myself, I've shrunk down to 110 yet again!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

01

Kpopranter's article about 'ideal weight' i just discovered...
Fucking phenomenal. To the point.
Reinforces my whole 'everyone in kpop obsesses about their weight too fucking much' anthology.  

By the way, my friend is on the verge of developing an eating disorder for a cosplay of all things, she is literally willing to puke in order to get down to 95 lbs, at 5'3"... and I just keep saying to her, repeatedly "you're not fat, you don't need to lose that weight, especially for the authenticity of a cosplay, please don't do this to yourself" but she won't listen... of  course, this is coming from one who skips lunch, but honestly, when I first wake up, I'm not hungry... 

Now an honorary member of The Cult of Fuck Fuck!

aka, the Onision Haters Club (OHC)!
Come join us on tumblr if you dare!
btw im not happy today

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Halloween

The time when usually lame bitches like meh gets to dress up. With my weight loss I've become confident enough to wear a slutty costume this year, so what should I go for this year? I'd rather wear a dress or skirt top combo, something that covers my belly.... so I was thinking of the following...
I still have nice hooters, so I want something that fits snug on the chest but poofs 'round the upper thighs, or is tight all over and can be coupled with one of those small petticoats and stockings. Gives me confidence. Makes me feel happy about myself for a night.
I'm trying to be classy-slutty, not cheap-slutty. The petticoat gives an extremely short outfit a classier lift. Cop / Sailor generally don't have petticoats or poofy skirts. I'm seriously considering something that looks like my goldilocks from middle school, at least, chest and skirt wise, except, this time with stockings.

This was my middle school costume. Literally, it's the exact fucking costume
Or at least, it looks like it. It's hiding downstairs among the billions of previous Halloween costumes.
I can't post pictures atm so here, take the picture link

German Beer Maid / Beer Girl
Sexy Heidi (to honor my quarter German blood liar liar you just wanna show off)
Swiss Girl (similarly designed to the German beer maid, except Swiss. I'm Scandanavian too, but Swiss are technically German)
Maid, as in French Maid
Fem!Robin Hood
Red Riding Hood
Sexy Strawberry Shortcake (ruining your childhood one costume at a time)
Dorothy
Snow White
Alice in Wonderland
Sexy Kitty / Mouse / Bunny (Mean Girls anyone? I'm a mouse, duh!)
Cop (or SWAT or FBI or CSI or local police, IDGAF)
Sailor / Pirate
Something gothic (vampire, goth fairy, wednesday addams
Nurse
Sexy Mafia maybe? (There are some cute fem gansta costumes, and I'm talking mobster, not the ratchet)
Schoolgirl  (Nasujima territory, wandering into the Nasujima territory)

Things I Will Not Be:
Stripper (even for me that's too showy. it's not even classy-slutty, it's just plain slutty)
Pimp (I saw pimp costumes, and they are just too much)
Ghost (I'm not wearing a sheet over my head, and there are basically no sexy ghost costumes anywhere. I want something that looks like I put effort into prepping it, not a sheet)
Banana (no thanks, no Onision for me)
Flapper (does not look good on girls like me with more curvature imho; flappers = flat)
Myself in plain me clothes (self explanatory)
Hippie (except for maybe a short hippie dress, I wouldn't go hippie. The psychedelic colors hurt my, and other people's eyes)
A guy (that's guy territory, I wanna be a girl who dresses like a fucking girl. Genderbends don't count)
Ratchet anything (I'm no wigger, I don't try to act hood)
Nicki Minaj (Harajuku Barbie hurts my eyes. make up's too heavy, my butt isn't surgically modified, and Nicki's wigs are ridiculous)
Miley Cyrus (chicken butt? No thanks. Her outfits are all too belly baring for my tastes)
Anything that makes me look chunky. So, any one of those gigantic character costumes.
Plus sized anything (I am not)
What my sister is being (Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, they actually have bodysuits for that. She's too flat to dress as anything slutty and pull it off)
Southern Bell (not proud of being a southwesterner, so I ain't gonna wear no southern bell. Also, too long. Ruffles go down to your feet. NOPE)

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

iPod's dying

Thank god I have it backed up, I'm upgrading to a referb-d, not overused Gen 4 iPod now; it contains the same space amount, 32g, I just don't know if I'll be able to install the update, what with my 3200 songs (it was originally over 3900, I deleted a bulk of the songs that somehow remained on the iPod when I strictly remember deleting them and a ton of other tracks that were either duplicates or things I no longer had a desire to listen to)

The main reason why I'm doing this is because;
a. My volume button is cracked.
This happened with age, my 3rd gen is almost if not already, two years old. It's been used time and time again, and yes, I confess, I've dropped it. A crack developed in the volume button. It's only a slight nuisance

b. the headphone jack is severely overworked, and it doesn't want me to listen to my music in both ears. This isn't funny.

I looove music in my ears. in my ears, on both sides of my ears; left, right, 

while the sides are not perfectly balanced, I just love the sound. It's immersive.

 So when I noticed my headphones were all breaking, only allowing me to listen to music in the left or right ear, after being connected to my iPod, I was angry. However, when I rethought the situation, I guessed that the iPod's headphone hole itself was the issue. And I still think it's the problem. This is a major complaint from me; I hate blasting my music out loud, I'm quite sensitive to letting people see or hear what I listen to, especially in a public place. I guess I'm fearful that they won't like my music or that the music will draw attention to me, when attention from strangers is the last thing I want. Therefore I prefer to listen to my music using headphones or earbuds.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Gaining back the 3 lbs I didn't want to

I weigh 113 again

Juuuust when I swore I'd not gain past 110 , my exercise habits dwindled due to my school schedule… fuck.

It's coming to the point of where I'm quite obsessive about my weight and what I eat again, I'm quite hesitant to accept my not so skinny friend's snack offers… because, welllll I don't want to eat that fattening shit. I ain't even counting calories, I'm just avoiding all lunch and snacks till further notice. I can't force myself to get out of bed at 10 am in the morning and exercise, and I feel like… for lack of a better word, bloated. I've only gained THREE POUNDS.

I can't even walk the dog or eat a meal or even a fucking granola bar without feeling like an out of shape granny because everyone and their mother has been force feeding me. Not that I couldn't refuse, but then they'd definitely figure I'm sick. Also, I've not been able to exercise for an hour and a half due to my shit schedule, and as I stated before my unwillingness to do so in the morning.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

cable company cuts of internet / cable if the bill isn't paid

proves that the dicks just care about profit and not about consumers. But then again, it's  my mom's fault for not paying the bill. fuck.

/first world problems, am I right?

Now I can't enjoy CBS again, nor can I browse the internet using my computer. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUF.
At this rate, I'd rather sit around bored then scrounge up enough money to pay the $188. Gives me more time to exercise and not sit around like a mindless drone.

At least the electricity's not going to be cut off, that I can be thankful for.

{things I also want to baww about: not being able to upload my photoshops, not being able to post to tumblr my photoshops, not being able to download music or stream youtube videos anymore on my computer, not being able to download anime episodes in HD anymore, etc> }

I would beg for money, but I have no desire to, I still have 3G service, and that would just attract a shitload of spammers. Which I don't want on my blog. Also, I know my mother goes crazy without cable, that she marathons Criminal Minds at night and on the weekends. She'll be paying them in no time flat.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Blurgh...

this year, I am aiming to graduate from high school. That is, if I stop being a procrastinating fuck. Therefore, I'm really trying to work my ass off, and do all my assignments on paper, so I can finish without the distractions.
Anyway, that's the shit that's up with me.
Enjoy this transparent esper boy.

I'm back to 111 to113 lbs on the scale btw, fuck me.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Miley Cyrus and her disastrous VMA performance

God, that was a mess. A trashy mess. Grinding up on a married man 16 years to her senior? Ew. 

I would have more to say on the subject, but at this point, everything I have to say has already probably been said.
.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Onision rant (originally from my tumblr)

Onision’s fanbase is primarily composed of stupid little shit fangirls who defend his every waking move Onision knows his fanbase is comprised of teenaged kids who are easily influenced (not saying all of them are, but hey, I’m a teen myself) by him, and therefore easily manipulated. Into basically pouncing on anyone who insults their precious Greg; disliking their videos, false flagging, all that wonderful stuff.

Greg is crazy, in my opinion; just… borderline psychotic, and I don’t see what the appeal to his videos is. I’m a Banana just simply creeped me out, the first video I saw of his, ever. And literally, a few hours after me and my sister watched it, we coincidentally had a fight, a long, painful, insult filled, nasty hitting-punching-kicking, teary, and worst of all, pointless, time wastingFIGHT. Since I’ve felt like every time I’ve watched his videos, it just makes something BAD happen. It’s likely coincidental.

However, I’ve just never liked Greg’s videos, never. If I came across them in say, seventh grade, when I was an emofagging bitch with dark eyeliner pooling beneath my eyes, all-black clothes and straightened hair, with bangs so long that they covered my left eye, who cut herself out of sheer depression, I might actually be a part of his frantic fanbase. But seeing Onision’s stuff now, as a far more mature, less sad girl, who clambered out of her hole of bitchiness, I can say for sure that I don’t find his content to be appealing in any way, shape or form at this time, and i probably never will. Prior to stumbling across “Worst Youtuber" videos and Rep’s rant about the A&F CEO, I had no idea Greg existed; perhaps because I don’t sub the most popular people on YT, or with the exception of Ryan Higa and Pewdiepie, both of which I find to be fairly entertaining.

But now that I’ve delved into what’s happened with Onision and his girlfriends, his vegetarian rant, etc, I can honestly say that he sounds like a detestable, awful human being. He’s cowardly, ironically, what he called Rep, sticking his fan turds on anyone who insults him instead of handling the situation, and just ignoring people who have opinions. Like, okay, you have an opinion of me, that’s fine, we’re all entitled to our own. That’s a sane response to people who criticize you. And then there’s Onision. ZOMG YOU ALL HATE ME! GO BANANAS, ATTACK THEM, SPAM THEIR VIDEOS! I CAN’T TAKE FUCKING CRITICISM, I’M NUMBER ONE! NO ONE CAN INSULT MEH HAHAHAHA ANYONE WHO HAS AN OPINION CAN SUCK MY DICK!


Look, buddy, we all have our opinions. Some of them aren’t so nice. There’s plenty of opinions people have given to me, about myself, that I disagreed  with or hated. But you know what I did? I went on with life. I tried to kill myself two times; and thought often of suicide even more, but I’m still fucking alive. This world is full of critics, if you can’t take a couple rant vlogs about you from guys on the internet, that is your problem, and yours alone. You are an arrogant son of a bitch, and I hate you strongly. Your videos are downright crappy and it’s awful that you’re earning roughly ten thousand per month by using AdSense on your videos. You are not a hardworking person, you’re a cheap, stupid bastard, and I hope in the next few years you fade into obscurity, never to be brought back to YouTube again. It’s a pity that there are people who work tons more than you, yet earn a quarter, half, or even less of what your YouTube income is. It MAKES ME SICK.

If I met you in real life, Greg, I’d consider kicking you in the balls. Or injuring you worse. I usually don’t dislike people on the internet this much, especially Youtubers, but you make me want to stick my hand into a scalding oven and burn my arm, badly.  Or cut myself again,

It’s a pity the government didn’t force him to have a license to reproduce, because now his barely legal wife is going to be popping out a child. I prey that his wife takes that baby far far away from its daddy. And marries a nice, respectable fellow, that is NOT GREG. I fear for this baby knowing that it might be raised by Greg. Oh dear god. The horror.

Friday, August 2, 2013

My hate of twerking

I've never been a dance fan, that is something I'd like to share. Especially flavor of the week dances I used to participate in as a mindless middle school (6th-7th grade) zombie (aka, mainstream music listener, emo eyeliner, emo music listener and general bitchy bitch); when Soulja Boy's dance was fucking popular. There's stuff as a child that I did, like the macarena, which I remember fondly and I don't mind Gangnam style, but then along comes.... twerking.

Twerking is basically where some bitch shakes her ass, i'm really not wanting to explain it further. I just dislike it. Not just because I myself am a terrible dancer, but because I just find it completely and utterly pointless, and stupid. It's like the harlem shake, and it's outlived its stay on this planet.

When my sister and her brain-dead drone middle school friends made a video, I tried my best to ignore it, and not criticize them... I really tried. But I couldn't fucking help it, I told her and her dumb, popular buddies that I thought their video was fucking stupid (maybe more mildly than that, try, without the 'fucking'). They're anorexic white chicks doing a dance where you have to have an actual ass to shake. Watching them try is laughable. And it really irritates me that kids these days, or rather, middle schoolers, do that for fun. It's a stupid dance and seeing people do it, regardless of what they look like, it's annoying. Twerking just makes me GAG.

Just like I hate seeing five year old kids who have their own iPhones. IT JUST PISSES ME OFF. I can't explain it fully.

Monday, July 29, 2013

UK to censor their internet

The internet is supposed to be a free place, uncensored, where people can speak their mind. It is a wondrous place that I discovered at a tender age. I never delved into the real internet until age twelve though, and I've only really brushed the surface. Beneath, on the .onion servers, exists much more, and supposedly, that's where the real secrets hide.

And now the UK (and some useless male twat by the name of David Cameron, who I think might be the prime minister- by the way, you're doing a terrible job at it, sir!) has decided to make a law, because parents are fucking idiots who won't supervise their children, censoring the internet. Blocking all porn; and optionally, blocking sites related to drugs, games, etc. And supposedly conspiracy theorist bullshit.

Well, I'm a US citizen, but looking at this.......
This is a bad idea. A bad idea.

If this happens in one western country, it will no doubt lead these filters being forced on OUR INTERNET somewhere along the way.  

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Seventhstyle makes me lose faith in humanity

http://seventhstyle.com/2013/04/16/ore-no-imouto-has-massive-oppai/
Massive oppai
Excuse me while I laugh.

First of all, 32 inches, by all means isn't a large bust, when I was a DD my bust was larger than that. If The Stupid Whore Annoyance Tsundere Kirino weighed, I don't know, a normal, healthy weight, and wasn't thin, her bust would be larger. By no means is 32 inches impressive, but it's too large for a girl with such tiny hips and waist measurements; anime is not generally proportionate in terms of art, but I digress. Forty five kilograms, or 99 lbs, at 165 cm, or 5'5", by the BMI scale, is immensely underweight; and most importantly, fits the qualifications for an eating disorder. This is coming from someone who by the BMI scale is considered underweight herself! I'm 110 lbs at 5'6" and I managed to work down to that weight by exercise and slight diet changes, with some assistance from laxatives along the way. Conclusion, I think it's not very admirable that SS condemns the little tsundere bitch pro-ana advocate. 

Seventhstyle is a site I have a problem with. While it's articles are coherent and very well written, the writing is wasted. it's biased to male aimed anime, and glorifies females, while criticizing anime aimed at girls, specifically, Free! referring it to it as 'homo' (which by the way, it is not, having watched all the episodes so far, I honestly don't ship anyone, and I know males, straight males, who enjoy the comedic aspects of  Free! Also, I dislike yaoi and yaoi stereotypes). Yet they praise yuri, oppai, panty shots, all those typical fanservice tropes; while openly detesting anime that is not meant for them, that they refuse to give a chance.

I was a site member, who was likely banned because of my argument on an article about Free! 
I'm not angry or butthurt about the banning, but I'm not satisfied that they're forbidding me for stating my opinion. 

I also dislike the fact that they lump all Free fans in the same group, as idiotic fangirls, foaming at the mouth at every single yaoi fanart or fanfiction, as greasy, landwhale, weebs. It's the archetype that 4chan has about fangirls as well, and it's disgusting. You can be a fangirl without being a hambeast or a drooling imbecile. I'm a sane person who, yes, occasionally fangirls over anime characters. 

Point taken, SS is biased site, with pointless articles, irrelevant to my own interests, with nasty mods who are willing to ban any person with a different opinion.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Body fat finally shows up on some k celeb, /cries

Behold, some actual body fat
On a Korean celebrity!
Which from the article in Korean, which I can't read but from the picture I assume is one of the SNSD triplets (yoona or yuri I think
/I'm crying okay
I mean finally some form of flab on a KR celeb, somewhere besides the belly area
And you know what, I'm NOT BASHING THIS, I'm not saying it's bad!

I'm glad that they have some fat on their skinny bones… ya know. Or stretch marks. Whatever these are. 

If you're a woman, it's perf normal to have fat on your body -despite thefact thatitakelaxitivestolosemoreweight coughcough but that's me coughs-
AND IF CELEBS HAVE IT IN ASIA THEN I SAY, HOORAH! 

Friday, June 7, 2013

Goodbye, school.

I cannot wait to leave you behind forever one day, at my graduation, in perhaps the next two years, when I'll say, GOODBYE, FUCKAS! with a grin plastered on my face.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

No self acceptance

HeBlerghhh, two days of school left and months of boredom, Sony Vegas editing, TV watching, pool and exercising ahoy.

Also, my top keeps slipping off my left shoulder, or what I think is my left shoulder.

Btw it's always slipping off of the aforementioned shoulder.  
Maybe it's because I like my clothes looser, so I don't  care
But I'm losing weight in all the wrong WRONG PLACES. My shoulders were bony to begin with. However, my legs and waist and everything are a different story.

Waist isn't small enough. I look like Kate Upton, and yes, she's an attractive lady, but me and her share something, a lack of waist. Ewwwwww I thought I was curvy until now what drugs was i on?
Thighs are still too thunder-y for my liking

While my ass has flattened to the point of where its resemblance to a pancake is uncanny my thighs have muscled more up, thus making them look FATTER from when they started. Also, my stomach's really, really… less than beautiful.

Hyosung body is not obtainable
Abort mission, abort.
There are days I say I'm happy with myself at 116 lbs but I desperately want to shrink to 110 just so I can lose some motherfucking waist weight
If anything I blame my mother for this fucked up body. If her skinny, lack of waist family weren't mixed with the curvy waisty family, of my father then I'd be normally proportioned. But no! No. No no no i look like a weird… BELL shape! Ewwwww. Also, I'm taller than Hyosung.
And my legs don't look like… kpop legs. They're not lengthy. Though theirs off camera probably aren't either; but it's not reassuring.

Basically, to sum up my changes in attitude all the time about my body:

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Methinks that I need to lose more weight

I'm still on that kick
That kick 
That weight loss kick
I want to go down to 110 desperately, 50 kilos plz
So I've been exercising more excessively than usual, going on the treadmill as supposed to a leisurely dog walk. For an hour as supposed to 30 minutes.
I have stretch marks on my thighs, remainders of them anyway, my calves are scarred from things, specifically bugs, my father's friend's cat, and everything going at them like they're a food source, and my legs still look so bloody average in length that it makes me want to cry. I mean, what'd I do to deserve this? Genetics weren't kind to me. While my sister ended up with the lean waif figure of my mother's fam, the long legs, the athletic ability, and the pretty face; I ended up being the fug one with a harder to maintain, weird body shape, short legs, a long, disproportional torso, and a round face which always looks especially fat in pictures anyone else takes.
Genetics, Y U NO BE IN MY FAVOR
I've tried but I just can't get down to that ideal weight
Like, the lowest I've been is 114, and I still don't look like I'm on the edge of underweight.
See?

I'm turning into an anorexic, I don't even drink soda anymore, the worst I drink is juice so I don't suffer constipation
Most days I skip lunch
I'll take melatonin at night so I can lose weight while I sleep
I'm practically Seohyun's real weight, 52 kilos but I want LOWER.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Super Junior's Superhero Costumes

Shindong as the hulk is somehow appropriate, ha ha ha. Maybe because he's shindong aka the biggest fatass or maybe even the only fatass in kpop? (No offense Shindong).
*whoever says Suzy is fat needa get their eyes checked btw I've gotten down to 116-117 lbs now and she still weighs less than me, STFU, if they she fat, ni**a, I'm a landwhale*

Is it wrong that I know basically all these characters? I don't even like Dragonball; though I can recognize the costume; but I love the Avengers movies. And the Spiderman mokvies. I love modern superhero movies, period. And Bond movies. And anime that's aimed at guys. I like certain things that I'm not the target demographic for, okay.

I'm a nerd.

Since swimming animu 4realz, there's a wiki nows and I'm the only bitch editing it

Swimming Anime, the notorious little commercial that Kyoto Animation probably planned to release anyway that earned a huge fan following on tumblr for what peeps call swimming homos, swimming bishies, etc being shirtless, is now 4realz, as I said in another post. And once again, it premieres near my birthday, ha. It's actually titled 'Free!' but no one will actually call it that; considering that searching the words "Free Anime" in google will not generate any relevant results to swimming bishies, but rather tons of sites with old shows, new shows, plenty of broken video links and fansubs.


Anyway, some bitch decided to start a wiki about the Swimming Bishie Anime. 
Interested in contributing to it? Please do. Helps me, aka GEEGEEBABYBABY1, the only beyotch there. I'm a n00b at editing stuff such as character boxes, and I'd like them to have a blue-ish color scheme, but I don't know how to edit it, because it's all in source code, or somethin'.


As a bonus, enjoy this random PHOMINUTE gif


what's my name was kind of forgettable as a song, but still catchy enough that it's stuck in my head, whatcho' name what whatcho' name? all today. And at least it goes back to the roots of Phominute; it's much more of an improvement over SNSD's disasterous 5 song mashup. Though these buffalaxed lines are still gold.
I GOT A BOY ON MAH CHIN
I GOT A BOY CHICKEN

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Spot the Difference: Miss Korea

http://ww4.sinaimg.cn/bmiddle/61e04755jw1e41ql9pi60g205k08cn2x.gif

I swear, they're all the same person :P

Animu headcanon in one picture: PREVIOUSLY UNPUBLISHEDUUU

I know it's lame

Yeah, I tried to post this awhile back but my 3G service failed to work well enough to post it. So i guess I'll post it now… *facepalm*

I swear, I haven't posted here, at least not till today, in almost a month officially, so I completely forgot.

I feel like an ugly asswipe, what can I say, and Swimming Animu!

Besides the fact that despite losing even more weight since the last time I posted (115.8- inb4 food - lbs now T^T oh god I haven't weighed this much since seventh grade, somebody pinch me) i still feel fat, hideous, bloated, and stupid. Generally, like an asswipe.

I'm annoyed by my anxiety, I forgot to take my meds last week and practically gave myself a heart attack spazzing at my own fucking dog after she left some watery shit in the dining room nobody ever uses, and cleaning up her puke a day before that. I've become dependent on those idiotic pills, I take them everyday, and if I don't, there's an obvious change in my level of anxiety. My hands tremor, my voice is more high pitched, sometimes I can't sit still. It's a repeat of middle school me…

Sometimes I ask myself if I'm actually sane. Because if General Anxiety Disorder is considered to be a mental problem? Then I suppose I'm slightly crazy.
It doesn't help that I've been unofficially and probably not properly - diagnosed (though by shit doctors *cough cough* Elementary School counselor) with other disorders (not listing *cough cough* for personal reasons and for the sake of my internet life, if I reveal anything, I'll no doubt be mocked by drooling 4chan scum who spend all day in their mommy's basements and ironically, most likely suffer from similar disorders themselves)
I feel like people often associate disorders in general with appearance. Disfigured body / facial features; or stupid behavior and mannerisms. Looking at the likes of killers, people who have shot up schools (ahem, Crazy Eyed Adam Lanza, his picture occasionally haunts my nightmares), basement dwelling pricks (Chris Chandler, a waste of taxpayer money and human life who lives off of nothing but fattening cuisine, writes and illustrates poorly drawn sonic comics, and is an annoying little gnat who makes me lose faith in humanity), etc.

This is why I despise people. So stereotypical of things.


I'm just really irritated right now. I don't want to eat lunch anymore. I've been waking and falling asleep at the same time since a year and a half ago. Now I find myself blacking out at 10 AM and waking up again at 11.

I'm out of sync.

The only okay thing that's happened recently is that I've met more irl buddies, who seem like good, funny people. I also recently (today actually) learned that Swimming Anime, a tumblr fandom that I am a part of (if you want to know what swimming anime is, it was originally a commercial by the wondrous Kyoto Animation, starring very well built, shirtless, bishonen swimmers) is to be adapted into a real anime. I admit, I'm pretty happy about it, as I love Kyoani and am glad they're going in a different direction (I like moe, but I can only take so much sappy cute girls doing cute things before my head explodes) like they sort of did with Hyouka; and creating a sports anime revolving around guys (whether it will involve lots of swimming or not or just mainly school life, I'm unsure), targeted to a different demographic.

Okay, that was surprisingly happy. I guess I like swimming anime a bit, uh, too much, or enough to talk about it for like a paragraph.

But other than that, I do feel strange. Maybe I'm PMSing or some shit.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Baby Boo: Moar Puppy Pictures

Yeah, I'm aware that I haven't updated in awhile, sorry about that.

So here, have some pictures of Baby Boo, now around 6 months and still ADORBS (though not yet fixed, I'm not sure when dogs first go into heat, though I'm about 99.9% sure she has not… YET)

Sorry if the pictures are a tad blurry, it's difficult to make a puppy stand still.









Sunday, March 24, 2013

Welp welp

I practically sprinted as far as I could to grab my dog, whose leash had been released from my grip, and then I just stopped, kneeled on the ground, and sniveled like a snot dripping, allergy ridden child.

Yeah, that was just one thing that sucked for me today. We all have problems, and mine, as minor and stupid as they are, affected me today mainly because it's that time of the month, no explanation needed. Maybe I'm also depressed because I brought it on myself, or maybe I'm dropping to the lowest depths of sanity, bit by bit (let's hope not for the sake of everyone I hold near and dear).

First event that happened was just general discomfort, not wanting to eat lunch (because let's be honest, I hate eating two meals during the week and generally don't eat two meals on weekdays either), and the guilt afterwards. I spent a couple hours in my room, futzing around on my phone. And so mother called. And asked about the dog. Baby is still my responsibility no matter who I'm with, so lo and behold, she asked me to take her on a walk. I motioned to my dad and quietly told him about it, and lo and behold (again) he said he was exhausted. I was annoyed by this, having actually eaten lunch (turkey, macaroni, and corn. Not exactly a vegan health fest), and not gotten any exercise, and so I fought about it, but in the end, retreated to my room.

Anyway, everyone ended up changing their minds. So in the end, we got the dog.

Baby seemed ecstatic once she arrived at the park, and we jumped over the creek, stupidly and repeatedly for the sake of my sister having to take the perfect picture (me, me, me, me, me! might as well be what every 13 year old thinks the center of the universe is). Then, along came this other dog, who wanted to initiate play with Baby, but didn't even come close (mainly because the owner yanked it away). Baby continued to try and chase said dog and pull me behind her in the process. This resulted in her trying to hop across a large gap in the creek, which then resulted in her landing in a puddle of rancid outdoor water.

And then, a peaceful 20 minutes later, I let the leash slip out of my hand, and so my dog went sprinting away.
By then, I felt incompetent, truly incompetent. And was fed up with my fuck-ups as well as my dog's behavior.

So i was then forced to wash Baby, while being constantly scratched, and hold her down while doing so. Kind of ironic, considering she hates baths, but loves smelly pond water.

My clothes drenched, I changed into an alternate pair, but still, felt less than happy.

To try and cure me of my unhappiness, a bag of Peeps were bought for me (they're those sugarcoated marshmallow Easter candies. I love them, but there are many people who hate them). It worked enough. And to better my mood even further, breakfast for dinner (bacon and eggs), which is something I don't usually do. So in all, even if I felt crappy, welp welp, the end of the day wasn't bad. However, there's still a smidgen of sadness, deep down. I guess it'll never go away.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

119 lbs unclothed and 121-123 clothed and sniveling about it

So I've lost weight but not much weight.

Literally, compared to my previous weight (126-128 around there), I don't see improvement.

The waist is still blah
The thighs are still jiggly enough that I hate them
The stomach fat is still present
I'm not Karlie Kloss thin at all
And this weight loss, skipping / shortening portions, and exercise is doing nothing to get me to 110.

I'm probably about one of the curvy kpop chick's weights now (because you know their profiles are lying) and I'm not satisfied

fuck dysmorphia
If this is the result I get from trying to lose weight
I don't wanna lose anymore





Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's day, a holiday only good for candy

I've never had an official 'boyfriend' because I'm a loser.

So you see, Valentine's day, for me, is truly only good for one thing.

AND THAT IS MOTHERFUCKING CANDY.
Yeah. I know I'm not working towards that Karlie Kloss figure anytime soon.
Been exercising more, today the scale tipped @ 118.5 lbs (maybe higher actually the scale is a bit unbalanced) but since my body still doesn't look right, more weight loss is in my future (just not breast weight loss, I hope *glares at boob fairy in the boob heavens*)

My friend and I will probably gorge on the bag of chocolates I bought yesterday. Which is a bad idea, yes, but shit, I'm not eating lunch anyway. And it's caramel chocolate. And fucking ghiradelli. So bad for me, yet the only good part of V-day.


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Monday, January 28, 2013

Parents in North Korea supposedly ate their children.

Source


"A starving man in North Korea has been executed after murdering his two children for food, reports from inside the secretive state claim.
A 'hidden famine' in the farming provinces of North and South Hwanghae is believed to have killed up to 10,000 people and there are fears that incidents of cannibalism have risen.
The grim story is just one to emerge as residents battle starvation after a drought hit farms and shortages were compounded by party officials confiscating food.

Undercover reporters from Asia Press told the Sunday Times that one man dug up his grandchild's corpse and ate it. Another, boiled his own child for food.
 
Despite reports of the widespread famine, Kim Jong Un, 30, has spent vast sums of money on two rocket launches in recent months. 
There are fears he is planning a nuclear test in protest at a UN Security Council punishment for the recent rocket launches and to counter what it sees as US hostility.
One informant was quoted as saying: 'In my village in May a man who killed his own two children and tried to eat them was executed by a firing squad.' "

Oh. My. Fucking. God. 
Rocket launches? Fucking Kim Jong Fatass would spend money on nuclear rocket launches (trying to destroy the US again?) as supposed to food, whilst allowing the people he's ruling over to eat one another, or starve and die? Heartless Motherfucker. He clearly eats too much food himself, he could give up some of the 6000 calories he eats per day, easily.

I can't even make any jokes about this shit, resorting to cannibalism in order to survive... why?! WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN? I'd rather die than make a meal out of a fellow human being... let alone a kid, or a family member. I know these people are doing it for their survival, but it's just so cringe worthy. And what makes me shudder the most is that the government doesn't even care about the well being of their citizens.... 


This makes me lose some faith in humanity.
:(


Facebook and Instagram Request that fuckers fork over pictures of their 'government IDs' ; fuckers are pissed

Dailymail Link

It appears that shitty corporation Facebook has been asking people to provide pictures of their personal passports/birth certificates/driver's licenses in order to continue using their crappy, slow, and bad free service. And Instagram too.

My little sister was recently complaining about the deletion of many of her little 'friends'(I use that term lightly, I doubt all of them are very close to her, she's popular as fark, but dat girl doesn't have a timeshare with all 200 of her followers) instagram accounts. And now I know what's probably causing it.

This is an especially greedy act on FB's part, considering how they already collect a shit load of information from you and sell it for $$$ send it to third parties to deliver stupid and irrelevant ads. I mean, it's one thing to collect info about someone's favorite music/activities whatever through likes, though it's pretty damned creepy to ask for one's personal details, especially if you're a social network. IDGAF what the article says about 'blurring out personal info', because many a brainless idiot will forget to do so, and so their information will be made known by facebook/instagram.

I also don't give a fuck if this is to delete TOS violators  because there are plenty of ways to do that without asking for a person's height, weight, and address. There are many people on FB who use their pages for things which would technically be considered TOS violations, such as RPing, pages for pets, alternate accounts, pseudonyms  spamming, etc. The only one of those that should be problematic is spamming.

Honestly, Facebook and Instagram can delete my old and inactive accounts. I hate the sites anyway, I was bored of them both a long time ago. I don't mean to sound superficial, but my photos on instagram weren't ever near popular, so whatever. And nobody bothered to talk to me on FB either. So both are of no use to me anymore. However, I feel pity for those who've sent in their uncensored IDs to Facebook corp. They know your address now, fuckers. Big brother is watching. But you deserved it for being a naive sheep idiot lawl.

Nine Muses dwarf Tiny G in photo.

Source: Allkpoop

So, netizens (bleh, netizens.) have been talking about a photo of Tiny G and Nine Muses, that clearly shows the height high heel difference between the two groups.

Nine muses was basically marketed as a model group, so that's why they're giant azns so tall. And by tall, I mean taller than me. I know Koreans are taller than the average asians, with the females averaging 5'3-5'4 (japanese people are one of the shortest, and South Azns can be even shorter, if an average height chart is anything to go by), which is about the same as the US, but 171 for an asian chick is still tall. JFS. I'm only 16, I have time to grow hopefully   because the thought of being stuck at 5' 5" my entire life with my huge extended family is pretty humiliating. The bewb fairy was kind to me, but the height fairy was not what I lack in height I make up for in tits and ass. The sad thing is that my sister basically knows 7th graders who are over six feet tall. I know genetics basically determine your body composition, but I'm bound to be taller than this, right?

Anyway, back to the topic @ hand, the photo shows rookies Tiny G who are aptly named, standing next to the ladies of Nine Muses. And the height difference is pretty large, with giant azns Nine Muses standing over a head taller than Tiny G.


Granted, Nine Muses are wearing heels and Tiny G are wearing flat shoes, the height difference is still prettyyyyyyyyyyyy immense, with NM measuring at 172 cm average (5'7", probably give or take a couple cm, idols don't always tell the truth about their height), and Tiny G @ 153 cm (5"). It's really kind of funny how NM make TG look like little kids. LOL.

It's kind of nice to know that there are people shorter than me in the world, because I feel short @ 166-167 cm..... :I

Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Skinny on K-Pop: Why I will Never Look Like a Korean idol

When I became a fan of k-pop, in my eighth grade year, one of the first things I noticed about the female idols were their skinny, yet somewhat curvy looking figures, close to that of a couple VS models. They were ideal looking and perfect, even more so than pop stars in the US. they looked like something that every girl would want to be, but never would look like.

I always excepted them to weigh more, before I read their profiles, but when I did, i was simply shocked at how skinny the girls really were. Truth be told, I still am. Their skinniness, as of late, has been bothering me, to the point where I begin to nitpick at my own body and obsessively think about what I can change.

The problem is, I'll never be them. Nobody will. Maintaining a weight of 49 kilos at a height of 166 cm (my height) is virtually impossible if you're not built that way. And truth be told, I am not. From my father's side of the family, I have inherited a smaller waist, larger breasts, butt, hips, and embarrassingly larger thighs. I'm not like my mother's family, which is basically composed of tall sticklike women, and I probably will never be.

But I strive to be like a kpop star, one who has an okay figure, with hips and thighs, but weighs nothing. The problem is, the likelihood of that happening is slim.

Why?

1. It's no secret that Korean entertainment companies allow their idols to do unhealthy diets. And sometimes the companies stoop to lows, by starving these girls. Surely you've heard of the Nine Muses' "Paper Cup Diet", Duck Bom's "Lettuce Diet", Kara's skipping of meals, and SNSD's 1500 kcal per day intake (yes, with all their exercise). These aren't good diets. They're effective if you continue doing them, but otherwise, if you go back to your old eating habits, the weight you lost will return.

Take me as an example. In seventh grade, after a bunch of anorexic slutbag whores told me I was fat, I pressured myself into skipping lunch completely, eating a light dinner, and drinking mainly water. This worried the fuck out of my friends and my family once they noticed what I was doing. It didn't matter that i was constantly fatigued or exhausted, all that mattered at the time was my weight loss, even though i was not chubby in the first place. But in the end, I lost too much weight, and went back to my old habits. Bam, weight came back. I'm relieved that I didn't develop anorexia.

Back to kpop, the girls are always doing /forced to do these diets because of the pressures of perfection in Korean society. Unlike the United States, where almost every girl has a little bit of body fat (me included, I'm not yet done with losing dat puberty weight), extra weight is considered a big deal in Korea. There, they eat small portions, exercise more often, and overall, focus much more on their outer appearance, compared to most US citizens. It's an Asian cultural thing. Being thin in Korea is 'healthy', it's the image that the media promotes as healthy. Having a curvier or fuller figure (36-26-36) is probably frowned upon. Their definition of curvy in KR is basically the women listed in this handy (shitty) AKP article (writer, what were you smoking?)

http://www.allkpop.com/2012/05/eye-candy-s-line-edition

Let me just state right now that none of these women can even come close to a true s-line. Most of them are sticking their flat asses out and wearing push up bras to show off their 'cleavage'. Maybe even ass pads (look at Uee's picture, obvious butt pads *cackle*) .

As a more curvy person with 34-26-35.5 measurements I laugh at AKP's incompetence on that article and Korea's inability to recognize true curves in general.

Moving on:
I highly doubt that all these k-pop stars are naturally blessed with slim figures and high metabolism. Don't argue with the 'Asians have smaller bone structure!' defense, because like all ethnicities, Asian women have their share of body types. Yes, their bone structures look a bit smaller than Caucasians, Latinos, and African Americans, but they aren't ALL skinny and doll like. Don't generalize. Not all Latinas have large asses, not all white girls are models, not all black people are tall or curvy, and not all Asians are small statured.

I give you another example from my life: I had a very good friend, a Korean girl, yes, a fully Korean girl, who loved k-pop. She didn't have the appearance of your typical little idol, she was on the larger side, looked more nerdy/not kawaiidollike omg cutie! and didn't give a fuck about what people thought of her. ( She was also a procrastinator, like me, who got good scores, but generally lagged behind in some subjects.)

Likewise, not all idols are like that either, MANY, and by many, I mean a MAJORITY, have undergone plastic surgery to improve their appearance. Don't deny it, they were not all that beautiful pre debut. Many also lost a great majority of weight as well. Because any girl over 50 kilos in Korean Pop is fat. *then I'm obese :( *
Hyuna was not the girl with the visible ribs and 23 inch waist you see today before her debut. She was chubbier, looked like your typical student. Tiffany and Jessica from SNSD were both Americans, who no doubt, were not the skinny minis they are now before their debut.

To put it to you straight:
Few idols are blessed with small bone structure and metabolisms that function at the speed of light. The two main examples I can think of at the moment are Hara and Sooyoung. They are both pretty girls, yes, but flat as boards. They can eat like a horse and not gain a single kilo. Unfortunately for the rest of the world who wants to starve to look like them, that's just the way they are.

Let me mention another real life example.
My mother is basically the epitome of a woman who eats like a fucking horse and still manages to stay thin. I myself have a pretty damn good metabolism (YAYYY, genetics), but am not as tall, nor as skinny, as her (fuck you, genetics). She chews through entire bags of chips in a matter of hours, almost always goes back for seconds, and loves food. She never gains weight no matter how much she eats. And when she doesn't eat, she's miserable and sick.

I bet Hara and Sooyoung and the naturally skinny girls in kpop are like that as well. Unlike the rest of their group, they eat whatever they want whenever they want.

2.
Reason 2 Why I Will Never Look Like A Kpop Star.

My parents taught me to love food.

Like most of my family, I indulge in food. I freaking love it. I love eating. My portions aren't gracious, but by god, they're not huge either. I eat a decent and good amount of food without over eating. And luckily, if I do over eat, I don't wake up the next morning with extra pounds (YAYYY genetics). I couldn't imagine giving up food.

I've tried repeatedly to skip lunch for days, but like my 7th grade experience, I find myself feeling exhausted and fatigued. The other day, I started to try and skip lunch again, and subsisted a solid meal for a glass of water and maybe 4 crackers. I proceeded to feel tired and laggy during the day. And when I left school, my hunger worsened. I was erratic, my stomach was churning, and I truly felt like collapsing in the parking lot.

I don't feel well when I don't eat, especially if I'm walking around. I tend to feel like crap. if I ignore my crappy feelings, I them vomit.

According to everybody I've asked about this, it's basically my body's way of saying 'feed me'.

And apparently letting myself vomit is a gateway to developing bulimia.

So eventually I give up on my partial starvation diet, and go back to eating normally.
And really, I don't notice the difference as long as there's not any pressure/skinny magazines/whatever lying around. But when I do I begin to fret about my body again. And so begins another starvation diet.

I don't know if this cycle will be neverending, but it really does pain me to not eat. Especially because I love food.

But yeah, even with diet and exercise, I'll never be able to top the scale @ 49 kilos.

3.
As I stated previously, reason #3 has to do with me being more thickly built. Not just more so than azn pop stars, but lots of white chicks in general.

I was once told, in the 8th grade, by two classmate/sort of friends of mine that my butt was kind of roundish for a white girl. It's really an unfortunate thing that I can't get rid of, and it's just kind of there. I've kind of accepted it. But then again, because I have an ass, I also have bigger tits (yay, tits), which means I don't have to purchase expensive push-up bras. My tits and ass are probably the only two things I really take pride in. Besides the fact that I have them both without being plus size or obese. But the rest of my body is still in a bit of an awkward stage, my thighs have yet to lose sag, there's a little fat here and there (though I've lost more baby fat than I think, looking back on an old video of myself at age 13, my stomach appeared to be a lot pudgier, though the rest of my weight was well distributed) , and I'm not perfect. Even if I exercised I wouldn't have a completely flat stomach or thighs without a biiiit of jiggle.

What I've noticed is that everyone, even models, even actresses, have imperfections. Even though the rich and famous are photoshopped to no end, they still look bedraggled when walking around in public, aren't the prettiest people without cosmetics, don't have clear skin, and are basically just like the rest of us.

Society has tried to convince everyone that [insert product here] will make their life better or improve their appearance, or wearing/doing whatever [insert celeb's name here] is wearing/doing will make certain things better.

But in actuality, the people endorsing these things are generally not entirely beautiful/perfect by the standards of society either, and are just promoting whatever it is because they like it or they were paid to do it.


Advertising is all a clever motherfucking facade that the companies use to convince people to buy their shit.


Conclusion:
I'm not a pretty Asian kpop star.

I'm not going to ever be as thin as one.

Kpop stars are people too. They are human, they're not robots controlled by the Big 3. They have feelings. They aren't perfect. They have weight issues themselves and probably went through a great deal of pain to get as thin as they are now. They are probably still going through that pain.

I generally indulge in whatever food I want without gaining 5 lbs. I'm not naturally thin, but genetics have been kind enough to provide me with a pretty nice metabolism. My diet is better than it was years ago, and I've started eating healthier stuff (with some fast food in between). I like my boobs and ass, and that's a good thing.... (Right?)

I've realized that everybody has fat or acne at one time in their lives. Even models, yes. Motherfucking models. These are the women with the immense thigh gaps that we all bash on the internet.

Society, in any country, is a bitch. They want you to become someone you're not, someone perfect. Become skinny, diet, use their workout machines, eat their expensive food, wear their slimming clothes.

But this 'perfection' bullshit is all a scheme to push and sell more products.






Saturday, January 19, 2013

The ISPs decide to monitor downloading activity and not care about real fucking internet issues

By REAL internet issues, I mean the sharing of illegal and disgusting content on the web.

Not music downloads, no no, not innocent movie downloads. No.

The downloading and distribution of terrorist plans/crime plans/child pornography.

There's nothing that antagonizes me more about the internet than the sick fucks that inhabit the depths of the deep web and even /b/ (-pukes up cookies I ate earlier-), sharing their sickening illegal porn like it's something normal that's accepted in society. Because it's not. It's obscene, sick and disgusting. Children are innocent. I was a child once. By law, I'm still considered a 'child', although technically, I fall into the 'late adolescent' category. So when I read about sick shits sharing child porn on Facebook, I honestly feel like not eating anything for the next few hours to prevent myself from queefing. There is no excuse for stealing a child's innocence, ever, not a single fucking one. What these deranged psychopaths do is mentally, physically, and psychologically scar their victims, and that makes me want to punch walls in.

Like a majority of the human population, I truly hate the sick fucks who abuse and humiliate children, for their own personal amusement/fetish. There is nothing that makes my blood boil more than stories regarding child abuse and in some cases, child abuse and death.

I would support the government torturing child abusers in the worst ways. I personally think the only answer to these pedos' unspeakable crimes is castration and endless, bloody, painful, torture. Pouring acid on their skin, then lighting said skin on fire.

What else can I say about crime and terrorism? Well, both are also terrible, terrorism especially, which involves a bunch of racist fucks attempting to exterminate innocent citizens (yes, they are racist. technically, if you're from the west, terrorists from the Middle East despise you, it doesn't matter what you look like, your religion, what your profession is, or if you have a family or not. If you're from a western nation, you might as well have TARGET written across your forehead in sharpie). Crime is also terrible. There are various types of crimes that I'm not going to explain further, but a few choice examples include
• Hitman networks
• Drug sites/drug rings
• Human trafficking networks

To get to the point; why do our internet service providers fucking care about copyrighted material (music and movies) and how people are illegally downloading it, instead of these other major BAD things? Probably because the MAFIAA paid them to care about copyright, sadly enough. The truth is that ISPs have always been able to monitor people, though generally, they don't care. That all changed when the MAFIAA became anal about their profit margin lowering (even though the box offices are still thriving and the music business isn't earning that much less) if only slightly, and decided to declare a war on all digital piracy, which, mind you, went on for years (before the MU takedown, SOPA and PIPA, etc) without angry interference from big ass cooperations and their fat, money munching executives (does corporate greed know no bounds anymore? :| )


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Dear school principal bitch

You are ugly and anorexic and you disgust me beyond belief.
You are nasty and vapid. You don't care about your students in the least and therefore that makes you a shitty school administrator.
Your voice is also as annoying as long talons scraping across a chalkboard, repeatedly. It's so annoying that it makes my ears want to bleed.

Please eat some food and restore yourself to full health, or keep starving until you're hospitalized. See if I care. I'm not so cruel as to wish death upon you, I just hold a burning hate for you because you are a person who deserves to be hated.

If it were up to me, you'd stop existing on this miserable planet. By that: I do not mean you'd die, but cease to exist entirely, ever.

Sincerely, a student who is unhappy with school, life, and everything, and wishes you didn't exist because every time she sees you, she wants to stab a pencil through her eye sockets into she kills herself

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Why haven't I posted?

Reason #1: Been busy with schoolwork

Reason #2: Been occupied with training Baby not to teethe on my pant leg, hand, sleeve; or anything she can grab ahold of, for that matter

Reason #3: Been occupied with visiting a couple other accounts/sites I sort of frequent when I'm not writing useless explanations on how to identify one molecule from another molecule.

Reason #4: Been lounging around on my ass and not doing much because I'm exhausted from the aforementioned dog training (Baby's teeth grip is so strong, IMPOSIBRUU) .

Reason #5: Been trying to make myself look like the 5/10 I used to be (*wah wah* I'ma not pretty) as supposed to the makupless hack who looks like a disheveled cynical bemused trans person that I've become (cries again and thrusts hands up towards the heavens in frustration, WHY AM I THE HYOYEON KF MY SCHOOL WHY AM I SO FUGGG AT THE MOMENT)



Former 5/10 Mediocre Looking Girl Turned Hyogere 2.0, only PS can fix me.



Yawn

Just yawwwnnnn


Friday, January 11, 2013

Tamako Market Episode 1- MOEBLOBLUU

Moeblobs. Tamako Market is rife with them. However, considering that I liked K-ON!, I'm not expecting the series to be bad. In fact, after watching the premise to the series that is episode one, I'm convinced it will not be totally stereotypical MOEBLOBLUU despite being designed by the queen of moeblob designs herself, Yukiko Horiguchi (still, I love her art tho ♥)

About le Tamako in a Market (random points)

#1. First of all, there is a bird in the show, idk what the hell type of bird he's supposed to be (a chicken? I initially thought he was a chicken, though I think now he is in fact a parrot...) he somehow got shipped to Japan from a fucking tropical island faraway in search for a suitable bride for his prince. He stares over changing rooms (and gets nosebleeds), talks, and is just generally kind of comical. The characters in the show call him 'Tori' (I'm pretty sure it means 'bird' in Japanese; although the name Tori makes me think of my best friend in elementary school every time ;_;) though his real name is Dera Mochimazzi (mochimazi = bad/yucky/gross mochi). Since his real name obviously offends the SRS mochi making tamako/ooji family, everybody, again, just calls him tori.

#2. In this show, there is a male involve! Ooji Mochizou is the adorable (future! boy)friend of Tamako, who seems to harbor a crush on her. He's basically a cute male character (since when are male anime characters ever ugly though *crickets chirp*) and a love interest. The only think standing in the way of him and the cute Tamako's future romance is their fathers, who both run mochi shops, and therefore, have a rivalry (comedic anime version of Romeo and Juliet situation, anyone?)

#3. There are cute girls, and they will probably will be doing cute things (hopefully with the fabulous tori involved!). Blondie Midori, Brunette Kanna, Meganekko Shiori, and the token imouto, Anko (although she prefers to be called 'An') and our main moeblob character. There are a few characters I don't really feel like mentioning with the exception of the blonde flower shop owner, who is of an indeterminate gender (honestly, it could be a very girly guy or a woman with a deep voice? The character looks like a woman lol) voiced by Daisuke Ono (also known as.... Sebastian [Kuroshitsuji], Itsuki (Haruhi Suzumiya), Yukito [Air], Shizuo [DRRR!!], Himself [Lucky Star], etc.)

This could be a very promising series.... I like the sassy bird (talking animals ftw) and I want to see if there will be some romance between Tamako and Ooji. The animation quality was great and cute as ever; and I always love the detailed backgrounds (scenery porn and pretty damn good animation? Always expected from Kyoani.)

This has been my short rambling and thoughts on TamaMarket. There'll be pictures after this jump

~fake jump~ posting this on iPhone Tom lazy to go back and correct it on the computer


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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

SNSD's Random Ass And Generally WTFish excuse for a comeback is the least of my New Years Problems

So I'm morose as fuck right now. If I hadn't argued with my mother over my less than stellar high school academic record this morning then my day might've had a chance at being okay.

But no
to quote my terribly written tumblr post
"New Years Resolution: somehow invent a time machine and travel back to the 22nd of December

OHGOD guys New Years has just been so shitty for me first i argued with my mother about procrastinating and then she took my iPod and then I went out with my dad, did a few assignments and ran errands to keep my mind off the BS. It was entertai

Later I arrived home and everything was much better, my mom, sister and my mom’s boyfriend were just lounging around on the couch and watching the morose news stories. Per the request of everybody who wanted me to tire her out, I chased baby, my puppy around the front walkway and across the street. When I came back inside, everything was okay, although things started to get tense after I returned from a short bathroom break. For some reason, my mother and her BF were arguing over something, and my sister had joined the conversation (the words ‘fat pig’ were mentioned, I have no idea to be honest?). He later unexpectedly left, and my mother started flipping her shit and blamed the entire incident on me. She said that I WAS THE ONE who ruined her day. She said that me and my younger sister were spoiled little brats for drinking the ‘to-go’ bottled waters and eating the chips ironic considering she could eat a truckload of potato chips if she wanted to) and told us we were whiny and immature.

Anyway, I tried to barter with her over my iPod, nicely, which resulted in her slamming her door in my face and sending me up to my room after i tried to ask her more firmly. I kept protesting until eventually she just pushed me away. Thereafter I sat in my room and sort of stared at the ceiling.

And now she wants me to do a bucketload of useless things that are not on my top priority list (or even hers’) in order to earn my iPod back, which by the way, means a lot to me. She disgusts me at the moment. Her bipolar behavior is terrifying, though everyone else’s screeching (including mine) is not making me feel happy about humanity either. In fact I’m contemplating putting a razor to my arm again and cut cut cutting away.

What with me feeling all sobby about my weight yesterday, my dogs’ barking, my younger sister’s hate, my emo feelings, and everyone’s general lack of sleep, 2013’s start has been anything but smooth.

My New Years resolution is to find a time machine and erase the existences of these… less than joyous events by going back to the beginning of winter vacation and reliving NY and New Years. Unrealistic, I know.

My other goal was to become a ProAna or ProBul skank model bitch and be Karlie Kloss thin, but clearly that won’t work because a. my bone structure is ugly (not VS model bootyful like stick karlie forever fugly body) ´ะด` ; b. if I consume no food I feel like puking my guts out and salivating, which would be fine if i were willing to put up with the vomit breath c. i will lose all my energy and signs of titties and d. people are actually around enough to watch and force me to eat."

Uh yeah.
TLDR: mother yelled at me for useless shit and stole my music. Mom's BF and mom got into fight, one stormed out. Mother blames it all on me and we both get emotional and sad and screamy and huddle in our separate corners of the house. Mother then blocks my texts after we have an angry fight over txtmssg

Along with a new year comes SNSD's lame arse excuse for a comeback.
I GOT A BOY. Hooooooo boy (pun not intended). Nasujima reaction picture below represents how I feel about the whole production company and the IGAB composers overall now.

The composer of I GOT A BOY was clearly trippin' on some sort of hallucination inducing shit. Because the song is a mismatched mess. Albeit a bit of a hot mess, but a complete and utter jumble of music and compositions nonetheless. It's like SM didn't even TRY to keep a steady flow, because the song is mambo jambo all over the fucking place random. The video featured fashion stolen straight out of the closet of YGENT and f(x), classic 'gangsta' clothes. Why. Why. I mean seriously, why?

If I had to guess I'd say the I GOT A BOY concepts were conceived originally for f(x) (as individual songs not the 5 song mashup i am hearing mmkay) as supposed to SNSD, though SM's executives probably turned around one day and said 'hey, fuck those f(lops)! How's about we give this song to our most popular sellers instead, they'll make lots of munny hurr durrrr durrr PROFIT. And while we're at it, let's hire a composer who likes to do drugs and G-Dragon's fashion stylist! Yes!'

The rest of the album isn't bad at all, actually pretty enjoyable, though why the fuck did they promote IGAB as the titular track? I mean, seriously, why? That decision was almost as bad a decision as Kim Kunt Shithead deciding to put Giraffe Dani in t-ara.

I discovered SNSD during the RDR era and I liked their concept then and their prior concepts (ITNW, Gee, Oh). I liked hoot. The boys was.... less than perfect, mediocre at best. The Japanese albums were both pretty fabulous (IMO), and the rest of the IGAB album with the exception of the title track doesn't make me cringe and is nice.

The only problem is that now I don't have an iPod to listen to it. Poo.
Why? Why is my mother so bipolar?


Also, according to the iTunes Charts, snsd is currently ranked 17 in the top albums chart. Good for them. But not paying 11.99 anyway. Not to the RIAA (No ew) or iTunes and certainly not to SlaveMonger ShitMonster and StupidMotherfucker Entertainment. Seriously SM, you foos be trolling.