Sunday, December 30, 2012


Armpit stink, baby learns to slide down the stairs

Being bundled up underneath three layers of blanket has not helped me stay cool and therefore is the reason why my pits stink so much T^T I'm not going to go into detail about that.

Meanwhile, in the life of Baby, my puppy has learned to walk, or rather, slide down the stairs. She figured out quickly how to scurry up them and invade everyone's privacy but did not easily figure out how to go back downstairs. She has now mastered the art of downstairs climbing with the assistance of a tennis ball. Just another milestone in my now 15 lbs puppy's life. Too bad she hasn't stopped teething

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

I'm drinking

Yeah, i sometimes have alcohol. Not like everyday, I'm only 16, but every once in awhile, I am allowed alcohol.

But I don't do hard liquor and shit. No, not yet. I'll drink that shit when I plan to get drunk.

My aunt and her friends know lots and lots of shit about celebrities. Comedians and hot men. They know people who've SLEPT WITH FUCKING CELEBS.

Since most of them have lived in NY their entire lives they've met, known and seen celebs.

LUCKY. Here I am just a fat and normal and quaint lonely teenager. Living an uneventful life in le Southern US away from NY or LA or any crowded city whee actual SHIT happens. The only thing I can do at the moment on a daily basis is walk around my neighborhood and use my iPhone to search news and shit about various subjects/post on forums. Yawn. I should get off my fat ass and beg beg and beg to move to a populated city. For now I am stuck in the suburbs. Grody. Not fetch. So not fetch, man. I hate the southern US, we're just full of conservatives and homophobes and beauty pageant contestants and their fucking delusional families. ERMAHGAD I don't know why, I feel like I don't fit into the typical southern girl 'mold'. I'm lazy as fuck about my looks, I don't wear super tight clothes or eat nothing for lunch I am not your typical suburban BEYOTCH mmkay.

Christmasuuuuuu Comes Along

I'm not unimpressed. Gifts weren't bad. I received money <3 (MUNNY BAHBYYY)

And I found Dr Pepper in NYC.

Besides that, I practically threw up because my body went into starvation mode. So I gobbled down a pop tart

Sunday, December 23, 2012

My grandparents' ol' Siamese kitty, tomorrow, and how I would make Hara and all those skinny bitches feel my wrath.

He jumped up on my lap earlier. Naturally, I took some pictures. He's a rather old and a tubby seal point Siamese, but it's nice to be around a cat.

Everyone noted that he doesn't usually go around hopping into every guest's lap.
So, did he sense that I was a cat lover?
I dunno. 0_0

Besides that, I arrived at teh airport on time, and the only annoying thing was the three unlicensed taxi guys that tried to hound money out of everyone.

Now, I'm pretty wary around those types of pushy taxi drivers, because I remember how they were 10x worse when I visited cancun. Ever since I read that unlicensed drivers can and sometimes will, hold you at gunpoint and sweep your bank account clean, I've been a bit cautious. I doubt it frequently happens in NY, but in Cancun.... well- it's Mexico.

Tomorrow is church or shopping day. I really hate church services, mostly because the boredom factor is OVER 9000. The other part of that is that I really don't identify with any major church religion. I'm an agnostic with a couple of atheist tendencies. This drives my younger sister batshit insane, as she is a devout 'save myself for marriage', perfect little angelic, un-sinful (?) baptist/Christian girl. *gags*

Shopping, however, could be interesting, if I could actually find an outfit that doesn't make my entire body look heinous
That's probably not gonna happen, but a fat size M-L in shirts and a 6-8 in jeans can hope?

Hara, gimme yo negative 2 dress body so i can fatten you up and kick yo' talentless ass out of the music and modeling business.
Actually, I'd do the same to all the under 50 kilo kpop singers. I would cruelly feed them deep fried twinkies, bags of super sized fast food, and extra large slurpies until they eventually reached an 'obese' weight in the entertainment industry.

Because in the Korean music industry, your 'hot body' (and looks, also known as the plastic injected in your face - BOM I am talking to you girly) *gags again* is your first priority, you don't maintain that anorexic figure and you can bet your career is screwed. The piggy dolls although considered overweight looked like they actually ate three meals per day, and the same definitely can't be said for SNSD. I do not give a fuck if they endorse pizza, snsd do not look like they would stand 10 feet AWAY FROM A PIZZA let alone eat one.

In conclusion, I would make all the kpop singers over 164 cm weigh 58-60+ kilos in order to feel my fat, fat, pain.
Cruel, IKR? But I have no bias. Maybe a male bias (idk maybe TOP? shallowly just for his face probably.... TOOOOOOOOOOOOOP <3 )
So I'd have no problem with torturing those underweight azns with food.

Hara Makes my Stomach Churn Again- and Hyena Hyuna's ribs look generally unattractive yet still make me want to go all pro Ana

Hara made my stomach churn again
Not in a good way.
Curious to see what the other Soju ads were like, I decided to check them out, even though Hara's made me sort of cringe enough.

Hyena Hyuna-
Hyuna does what she does best in all of her Soju CFs, which is opening her slutty legs, gyrating, and shaking her (most likely) crab covered p*ssy. Being a slut. Naturally Hyuna, that's almost all you're good for, cuz bitch, you are NOT a singer.

Hyuna looked more skeletonlike than usual which just practically brings me to laughter and tears. Her ribs are visible. which is both Yuckworthy and ProAna Inspiration.

Speaking of ProAna, might as well start that starvation diet again, I can FEEL my fat growing back (tho it probably never went away in the first place, ima delusional bitch). Ew no no no no no guys do not want. Need to get back down to 120 lbs again. :(((((((

Saturday, December 22, 2012


yay, NY on Christmas! Yay, NY in general! Yay, New York!

I haven't been since I was say... 11 years old~


The only downside, the long plane flight. But, I'll probably sleep anyway.

Hara Looks Like A 13 Year Old Stripper In her latest SOJU cf

Oh Hara, oh Hara.
Please, stop trying to act sexy by shaking your flat, flat ass, and tiny, tiny titties around. And don't wear extra padding either because we ALL KNOW what a bag of bones you really are

Please, please, keep doing the aeygo shit for the sake of everyone. Hara, even Hyuna, with her hyenaness and ribs sticking out, looked better than you.

My sister looks better than you (yet sort of reminds me of you) and she is at the 25th weight percentile for her age. Because she at least looks like she eats more than a piece of lettuce each day. You on the other hand, are an anorexic alien in her twenties who has the appearance of a prepubescent tween girl. In other words you are legal pedobear bait, mmkay. So you don't need to be shaking yo' ass around and gyrating and opening your nasty toothpick legs, or endorsing alcohol, as you don't even look old enough to DRINK IT. Your 'oh em gee I am so aeygo and cute and underage looking love me love me ~ uguuuuu guuuu' is irksome enough.



New Selfies

I looks emo

Suzy & Ian chatting on Twitter- cherries are mentioned

Suzy and Ian.
Now that she's legal (and the adult male suzy fans fuckin' rejoiced lol, especially those pervert uncle fans) he's posting innuendos about tying cherries on twitter that suzy doesn't necessarily understand....
Granted Suzy's English isn't the best ever but still her response was pretty innocent.

But still, flirting on twitter, that's a start, I guess.

I don't know why BUT I SHIP IT.
SUZY AND IAN i ship you both so hard. No pun intended, dirty ones. IRL OTP ALERT

THE AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO MEANS NOTHING AT ALL TO ME mmkay. idgaf if Ian is 34 and suzy is 18. She's legal now. she should go for Ian while she has the chance. (aka before some other whore snatches him) because Ian is basically one of the most swooned over guys in the acting business.

but who can blame his legion fangirls when he has THIS face?

♥ 'scuse me- old TVD fangirlism kicking in. I used to regularly watch that show, even after I got bored of it, if only for Daemon ♥

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Booty pads & Rainbow.

"Female idol group Rainbow 's Jisook recently revealed that one of her group's members is currently using booty padding.
On SBS 's "Strong Heart," newscaster Park Eun Ji revealed that back in the day she faced an embarrassing incident where her undergarment padding went exposed.
She explained, "The style of the undergarment that I wore back then was see-through. I was wearing booty padding too." Then she turned to Jisook and asked, "What about female idols, do they use it too?" To which Jisook honestly answered, "Among our members, there is one person who is currently using booty padding," which caused the rest of the celebrity guests to break up in laughter."

Source: Soompi

Booty pads.
i just can't.
No, DSP, no rainbow.
Rainbow, you are lucky to be cute and flat assed, embrace that shit while you can, before you grow saggy and old and the cellulite comes along to ruin your once desirable stick figures. Because it's already too late for me and my visible booty and red face. And the fugly stretch marks from pewburty azn chicks gimme yo bodies before I actually develop anorexia. because i can't force myself to puke.

I find it quite hilarious that people use butt pads in general. It's like a pushup bra. People will be able to notice if your ass is lumpier or your bust is less perky, and they will assume. Why can't you skinny bitches embrace your anorexic skinniness, already? i want to look like you. you want to spend a day in a body with an actual ass - take mine.

Def not wearing booty pads there, ass is flat as a board. BITCH YOU IS LUCKYYYY1

Monday, December 17, 2012

scale says 56 kilos.

124444444444444 lbs again.

brb crying.

don't know if the scale is trololololing me or what.
but idc. no single fucks are given because there's quite a probability that i really am under 125 lbs again. not by much but it's a start.

MUST GET TO 54 KILOS. MUST CONTINUE LUNCH SKIPPING DIET. because no matter how small the progress i've made i've made progress nonetheless and that is what I want.
allcaps was needed okay
doesn't matter what bitches say, I am feeling a lot better already. Still look fat tho.

but I still need moar pounds shed. so....
HYOSUNG, teach me your dieting secrets, so I can lose this fat & shit faster!
And no excessive exercise, I already have to tug the puppy around. not that i don't love the lil brat she's just a pain in the ass on walks.

Also, by god, whenever I go to my father's house, he feeds me all kinds of shit I don't need. But at the same time I can't tell him I'm starving myself (partially) or else he'll make me eat even larger portions.
so for now just doing the thing around 3/4 of the week mmmkay

school is released on the 21st.
I'M GOIN' TO NEW YORK AGAIN. But this time there'll be no american girls & shit.

Probably will be freakin' crowded but idgaf. What with my slight weight loss I am so happy.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Indigestion and Exhaustion: The Puppy Prevents Me From Getting Enough Sleep, But Is Still Well Behaved and Generally Adorable

My current indigestion, Baby, & insomnia.

What can I say about today? I've been struck with the worse case of indigestion that's what you get for not eating lunch everyday dumbfuck from the fast food I had earlier (curly fries & roast beef, so tasty and oily and fattening and everything I want to eat at lunch but can't because i'll get fattttttttt)

My body isn't yet near the Hyosung level of gloriousness, but I see a slight change (though it's probably all in my head I bet)...............................................

I am basically responsible for Baby in the mornings, I feed her, I let her sit on the couch with me, I play with her, I let her outside, etcetera. There's something about her that brightens up my day; whenever i'm around her, I actually feel some form of happiness. Perhaps it's her carefree & energetic disposition. They say happiness is a warm puppy, but for me, happiness is just a puppy/dog in general. She's much different from my current ratdogs, the chihuahuas ratdogs- that's what I like about her. Baby actually has the ability to restrain herself from barking at every single fucking thing that makes noise outside our door.

Her cuteness is an added bonus.

However, the only problem with Baby is that she prevents me from sleeping. Well, over 5 hours, anyway (since I usually go to sleep around 1-2 AM yes, i'm aware of the fact that i have insomnia) Not that I'd get enough without the puppy anyway, though. IDK why I'm so sleepless. Maybe it's because I don't get enough physical activity in the day? Who knows. Some may argue that it's a teenager thing.

Random other stuff:

Certain school worksheets *ahem* MATH *ahem* of late has been looking like this.
Red circles, red circles everywhere.
Not applying myself, they say.
shut up fuckers you're the ones who decided to force me to do online math in the first place. it's a horrible method of teaching math, just by the way
Ritsu takes pride in her failure. Wish I could do the same.

My inactive 3rd gmail box is now flooded with shitty facebook notifications (ew, facebook, I hate it now), and I'm feeling too lazy to delete them.

I've been following the second season of American horror story. And holy shit I had no idea that thredson was bloody face -
Now all I need to do is watch S1, which is luckily! on netflix.
But since each series is a miniseries anyway, the plots are completely different.
1st season, from what I've read, is set in a haunted house, in the present day.
2nd season is set in an asylum in the 60s, though some scenes do take place in the present specifically the one involving lana and thredson's bloodyface child.

I've caught up on some anime episodes. Finally.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A picture of le new puppy ~ Baby~ sleeping.

if you haven't seen a picture of my new puppy yet...

just sleeping.... the little cutie.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Le puppy has arrived, needs to be trained in a multitude of ways ~

The 11 week old Baby, an Aussie-Shepherd mix, has arrived at the house.
well, since yesterday.

That escalated quickly. I could've sworn she was coming later.

Reverting back to the subject at hand...

Like most 11 week old puppies, Baby is blissfully unaware of where the hell the bathroom is. So, as a start to my life with this puppy, I was forced to strip down the sheets on the master bed thanks to her little accident. Not that I'm complaining, she's a puppy, not yet trained, but still, it's a pain in the goddamned derriere to wash the sheets (though it's about time they need to be washed anyway- what impeccable timing, Baby.).

Likewise, Baby also doesn't know how to walk on a leash, sort of. she understands the concept of following me around on the leash, but prefers to sniff around the yards in my neighborhood and attack leaves. Baby seems to be teething as well, being a baby (no pun intended, she's a young little pup). So she seems to have developed a habit of chewing on her leash occasionally, especially during walks. 

Despite these typical puppy issues though , she seems to like everyone, and is very, very sweet. And adorable, I must say.

IN CONCLUSION... Baby needs to be trained properly, but will eventually (I hope) grow into a well behaved older dog. However, she is cute, playful, a true breath of fresh air from all the crap I've been feeling lately. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Catching up on schoolwork, possibly adopting a medium sized dog. Oh, my life.

Life. It has just taken a turn for both the worse and the better for me.

Worse: Having to catch up on shitty schoolwork that I really don't want to do, but am required to do anyway.
'Nuff said there.
Basically, I'm choosing to act stupid because online classes piss me off immensely and I failed an english assignment. I was about 99.95% sure the answers were right, so that angered me.
In short, I was being a procrastinator.
'Nuff said there. Don't care to elaborate.

Better: So, as it turns out, my family is either adopting or fostering a female Aussie Shepherd / Beagle puppy.

This is exiting news. I've been stuck with an extremely annoying chihuahua ratdog for years, and he's never liked me worth shit. Blame my mother for that, though, she's the one who decided to buy a fullbred chi- for herself, my father (who was not pleased at all btw), a three year old me and my BABY sister. Read any information about full bred chihuahuas, it always says they are not suitable pets for young children (aka, toddlers and babies).

Of course, I'm fine with my other dog, he's a chihuahua/dachshund/minpin? mix. He sometimes takes after the badly behaved chi, overeats, and is quite a little pansy around strangers. However, he is genuinely sweet and properly trained.

But still, A MEDIUM SIZED PUPPY. HELL THE FACT THAT IT'S A PUPPY AT ALL IS EXCITING! I've already seen quite a few pictures of her, she's just a baby. Won't grow too large, only 30 lbs or a little moar at most, freakin' ADORABLE, supposedly very sweet, gets along well with dogs of all sizes....

I am just beaming over here. I'm overjoyed. I mean, I like cats a lot, but my current kitty wouldn't enjoy the company, so a dog is perfect. High energy. Cute. Hopefully will be something that boosts my happiness level and therefore lessen my dysmorphic views.

I don't know when we'll be getting her, but we sent in an application.
Fuck yeah.

I think I'm going to watch Natsume Yuujinchou. Its ratings are great, from what I've seen and heard about it- it sounds interesting, I like the animation (BRAINS BASE BBY, Kyoani will still be #1 in my top studios though brains base is good too - DRRR FTW.)
It supposedly has 36 episodes, but that's all the seasons combined. S1 has 12 episodes.

I've been catching up on the currently airing stuff...
Chuunibyou: Finished Episode 9

So basically I watched up to the part about the girl who makes her classmates into eerie artworks.
The show is obviously aptly named. I'd like to see more on Ginoza's backstory. His father is a latent criminal. Perhaps his father is an enforcer? *hint hint* Tomomi *hint hint, makes sense, doesn't it?*

K: Finished Episode 7
Shiro got thrust out of a German blimp by some guy. uhuuuuuhuuuu.
Munakata seems to have no sense of personal space. js. (not that the BL hints necessarily bother me, I'm just not an OMG SQEE YAOI ERMAHGAD fanturd. In fact, I really dislike shizuo and izaya being paired...)

Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun: Caught up, episode 11 is out soon.

BTOOM!: On Episode 7, I think.

Other than that, I've put pandora hearts on hold atm and am waiting for SAO to end so I can watch it all in a marathon. Or something. Don't know. I've seen one episode of SAO, so my opinion on it is indifferent, but I've seen mixed reactions to the show.

You know what anime series I have never seen and probably will never bother to watch?
1. Bleach
2. Naruto
3. One Piece

They are all just to damn long.
Nothing against them, they're just too extensive for my taste.

Other OT:
I found a picture on some JP blogsite that showed all of the classmates from haruhi suzumiya. Quality of the picture is crap, is have much preferred a scan, but I like the detail.

Still, the side chara girls in K-ON! S2 will forever be my fav KyoAni schoolmates.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

My bare face

It makes babies cry.

Look at it.
look at the acne.
That is what my face looks like when I'm not on acne meds.


I look worse than Hyori's sister here and that's sayin' some shit.

Current Measurements (warning, I'm fugly)

Height: 5'5.5 (166 cm)
Weight: Est. 125-130 (last weigh in I was in the 120s range, didn't dare ask where)

Bust (Around Ribcage area): 32-34? in (though I wear a 34 or even a 36 in bra size) (81 cm) [smaller than expected]
Currently okay, ribcage still looks weird. But I will dismiss that and focus on my other notable body flaws.

Waist: 26 (66 cm)
Needs to be smaller. No exceptions. Ant waist (22 inches maybe?) would look better.

Hips: 35/36 (92 cm) (FAT)
They either need to grow or shrink to make me look correctly proportioned.

thighs: 23/24? in at highest point (FAT AS FUCK) (58-59 cm)
Thunder thighs, I have some muscle on them, but they are still nasty looking. No man likes thunder thighs.

Calves: 13.5 inches. And that's with muscle/fat/excess shit. My calves are the only skinny part of me

Thickest Part of Arm: 11 in. No comment. Thinnest thing on body.

Neck area: 12.5 in (31 cm? FAT)
Looks decent enough, thicker than expected though.

What I want to look like:

What I look like at the moment:

Please, heavenly being, bless me with a skinnier body. Please, please, please, let this puberty induced bloated fatness disappear.

Because according to le chart, body fat percentage is 20.
bmi is normal, but still-
No guy in their right mind would date me. I'm a whale with huge tits and thunder thighs.



actually not even dysmorphia I'm just fugly

Not even Debby Ryan or Demi Lovato or any of the 'formerly fat' disney bitches thin
Let alone hyosung thin.
Let alone VS model thin.

I am going to cry
this diet was supposed to work.
I was supposed to eat barely anything for dinner but I think I've been gorging myself during dinner anyway

This is humiliating.
My fat body, I'm showcasing it to the world.

I hate the size of my rib cage and hips the most. I'm a size 34/36 in bras (around the ribcage) but my ribs look fucking massive.

I look disproportional.
My genes aren't supposed to be this way. I need to be thin. I want to be thin. I want it badly. Like a basement dweller who craves real life sexual contact.

No guy has even talked to me or bothered to acknowledge my existence.
No boyfriend even at 16 - fucking pitiful

It hurts, just the slightest bit.

To be alone, and not cared about by anyone.

And be stuck with this DISEASE, this warped perception of myself.

God. My feels are all over the place.

I can't get this off my chest enough. I hate how I look, I hate myself, but I can still be humorous and hateful towards others and laugh and act normal.

But on the inside I'm being eaten, eaten away.

I'm goddamned bipolar.... aren't I

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


So, if I haven't said this already, I have braces. And yesterday, I was forced to get them tightened.

If you've never had braces, I'll tell you right now, you do not want to have them. I hate my tin teeth, I detest ortho checkups, and I really hate not eating certain foods JK not like I'm eating anything as of late anyway, I did gorge myself with fast food the other day but today all I'm going to eat is water and a few crackers to make up for my fat feast
body issues are severe as usual

The top of this idiotic metal contraption is poking, no, more appropriately  scraping, at the top of my mouth. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

what if it makes my mouth bleed. what if my mouth gets infected?