Sunday, December 30, 2012


Armpit stink, baby learns to slide down the stairs

Being bundled up underneath three layers of blanket has not helped me stay cool and therefore is the reason why my pits stink so much T^T I'm not going to go into detail about that.

Meanwhile, in the life of Baby, my puppy has learned to walk, or rather, slide down the stairs. She figured out quickly how to scurry up them and invade everyone's privacy but did not easily figure out how to go back downstairs. She has now mastered the art of downstairs climbing with the assistance of a tennis ball. Just another milestone in my now 15 lbs puppy's life. Too bad she hasn't stopped teething

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

I'm drinking

Yeah, i sometimes have alcohol. Not like everyday, I'm only 16, but every once in awhile, I am allowed alcohol.

But I don't do hard liquor and shit. No, not yet. I'll drink that shit when I plan to get drunk.

My aunt and her friends know lots and lots of shit about celebrities. Comedians and hot men. They know people who've SLEPT WITH FUCKING CELEBS.

Since most of them have lived in NY their entire lives they've met, known and seen celebs.

LUCKY. Here I am just a fat and normal and quaint lonely teenager. Living an uneventful life in le Southern US away from NY or LA or any crowded city whee actual SHIT happens. The only thing I can do at the moment on a daily basis is walk around my neighborhood and use my iPhone to search news and shit about various subjects/post on forums. Yawn. I should get off my fat ass and beg beg and beg to move to a populated city. For now I am stuck in the suburbs. Grody. Not fetch. So not fetch, man. I hate the southern US, we're just full of conservatives and homophobes and beauty pageant contestants and their fucking delusional families. ERMAHGAD I don't know why, I feel like I don't fit into the typical southern girl 'mold'. I'm lazy as fuck about my looks, I don't wear super tight clothes or eat nothing for lunch I am not your typical suburban BEYOTCH mmkay.

Christmasuuuuuu Comes Along

I'm not unimpressed. Gifts weren't bad. I received money <3 (MUNNY BAHBYYY)

And I found Dr Pepper in NYC.

Besides that, I practically threw up because my body went into starvation mode. So I gobbled down a pop tart

Sunday, December 23, 2012

My grandparents' ol' Siamese kitty, tomorrow, and how I would make Hara and all those skinny bitches feel my wrath.

He jumped up on my lap earlier. Naturally, I took some pictures. He's a rather old and a tubby seal point Siamese, but it's nice to be around a cat.

Everyone noted that he doesn't usually go around hopping into every guest's lap.
So, did he sense that I was a cat lover?
I dunno. 0_0

Besides that, I arrived at teh airport on time, and the only annoying thing was the three unlicensed taxi guys that tried to hound money out of everyone.

Now, I'm pretty wary around those types of pushy taxi drivers, because I remember how they were 10x worse when I visited cancun. Ever since I read that unlicensed drivers can and sometimes will, hold you at gunpoint and sweep your bank account clean, I've been a bit cautious. I doubt it frequently happens in NY, but in Cancun.... well- it's Mexico.

Tomorrow is church or shopping day. I really hate church services, mostly because the boredom factor is OVER 9000. The other part of that is that I really don't identify with any major church religion. I'm an agnostic with a couple of atheist tendencies. This drives my younger sister batshit insane, as she is a devout 'save myself for marriage', perfect little angelic, un-sinful (?) baptist/Christian girl. *gags*

Shopping, however, could be interesting, if I could actually find an outfit that doesn't make my entire body look heinous
That's probably not gonna happen, but a fat size M-L in shirts and a 6-8 in jeans can hope?

Hara, gimme yo negative 2 dress body so i can fatten you up and kick yo' talentless ass out of the music and modeling business.
Actually, I'd do the same to all the under 50 kilo kpop singers. I would cruelly feed them deep fried twinkies, bags of super sized fast food, and extra large slurpies until they eventually reached an 'obese' weight in the entertainment industry.

Because in the Korean music industry, your 'hot body' (and looks, also known as the plastic injected in your face - BOM I am talking to you girly) *gags again* is your first priority, you don't maintain that anorexic figure and you can bet your career is screwed. The piggy dolls although considered overweight looked like they actually ate three meals per day, and the same definitely can't be said for SNSD. I do not give a fuck if they endorse pizza, snsd do not look like they would stand 10 feet AWAY FROM A PIZZA let alone eat one.

In conclusion, I would make all the kpop singers over 164 cm weigh 58-60+ kilos in order to feel my fat, fat, pain.
Cruel, IKR? But I have no bias. Maybe a male bias (idk maybe TOP? shallowly just for his face probably.... TOOOOOOOOOOOOOP <3 )
So I'd have no problem with torturing those underweight azns with food.

Hara Makes my Stomach Churn Again- and Hyena Hyuna's ribs look generally unattractive yet still make me want to go all pro Ana

Hara made my stomach churn again
Not in a good way.
Curious to see what the other Soju ads were like, I decided to check them out, even though Hara's made me sort of cringe enough.

Hyena Hyuna-
Hyuna does what she does best in all of her Soju CFs, which is opening her slutty legs, gyrating, and shaking her (most likely) crab covered p*ssy. Being a slut. Naturally Hyuna, that's almost all you're good for, cuz bitch, you are NOT a singer.

Hyuna looked more skeletonlike than usual which just practically brings me to laughter and tears. Her ribs are visible. which is both Yuckworthy and ProAna Inspiration.

Speaking of ProAna, might as well start that starvation diet again, I can FEEL my fat growing back (tho it probably never went away in the first place, ima delusional bitch). Ew no no no no no guys do not want. Need to get back down to 120 lbs again. :(((((((

Saturday, December 22, 2012


yay, NY on Christmas! Yay, NY in general! Yay, New York!

I haven't been since I was say... 11 years old~


The only downside, the long plane flight. But, I'll probably sleep anyway.

Hara Looks Like A 13 Year Old Stripper In her latest SOJU cf

Oh Hara, oh Hara.
Please, stop trying to act sexy by shaking your flat, flat ass, and tiny, tiny titties around. And don't wear extra padding either because we ALL KNOW what a bag of bones you really are

Please, please, keep doing the aeygo shit for the sake of everyone. Hara, even Hyuna, with her hyenaness and ribs sticking out, looked better than you.

My sister looks better than you (yet sort of reminds me of you) and she is at the 25th weight percentile for her age. Because she at least looks like she eats more than a piece of lettuce each day. You on the other hand, are an anorexic alien in her twenties who has the appearance of a prepubescent tween girl. In other words you are legal pedobear bait, mmkay. So you don't need to be shaking yo' ass around and gyrating and opening your nasty toothpick legs, or endorsing alcohol, as you don't even look old enough to DRINK IT. Your 'oh em gee I am so aeygo and cute and underage looking love me love me ~ uguuuuu guuuu' is irksome enough.



New Selfies

I looks emo

Suzy & Ian chatting on Twitter- cherries are mentioned

Suzy and Ian.
Now that she's legal (and the adult male suzy fans fuckin' rejoiced lol, especially those pervert uncle fans) he's posting innuendos about tying cherries on twitter that suzy doesn't necessarily understand....
Granted Suzy's English isn't the best ever but still her response was pretty innocent.

But still, flirting on twitter, that's a start, I guess.

I don't know why BUT I SHIP IT.
SUZY AND IAN i ship you both so hard. No pun intended, dirty ones. IRL OTP ALERT

THE AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO MEANS NOTHING AT ALL TO ME mmkay. idgaf if Ian is 34 and suzy is 18. She's legal now. she should go for Ian while she has the chance. (aka before some other whore snatches him) because Ian is basically one of the most swooned over guys in the acting business.

but who can blame his legion fangirls when he has THIS face?

♥ 'scuse me- old TVD fangirlism kicking in. I used to regularly watch that show, even after I got bored of it, if only for Daemon ♥

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Booty pads & Rainbow.

"Female idol group Rainbow 's Jisook recently revealed that one of her group's members is currently using booty padding.
On SBS 's "Strong Heart," newscaster Park Eun Ji revealed that back in the day she faced an embarrassing incident where her undergarment padding went exposed.
She explained, "The style of the undergarment that I wore back then was see-through. I was wearing booty padding too." Then she turned to Jisook and asked, "What about female idols, do they use it too?" To which Jisook honestly answered, "Among our members, there is one person who is currently using booty padding," which caused the rest of the celebrity guests to break up in laughter."

Source: Soompi

Booty pads.
i just can't.
No, DSP, no rainbow.
Rainbow, you are lucky to be cute and flat assed, embrace that shit while you can, before you grow saggy and old and the cellulite comes along to ruin your once desirable stick figures. Because it's already too late for me and my visible booty and red face. And the fugly stretch marks from pewburty azn chicks gimme yo bodies before I actually develop anorexia. because i can't force myself to puke.

I find it quite hilarious that people use butt pads in general. It's like a pushup bra. People will be able to notice if your ass is lumpier or your bust is less perky, and they will assume. Why can't you skinny bitches embrace your anorexic skinniness, already? i want to look like you. you want to spend a day in a body with an actual ass - take mine.

Def not wearing booty pads there, ass is flat as a board. BITCH YOU IS LUCKYYYY1

Monday, December 17, 2012

scale says 56 kilos.

124444444444444 lbs again.

brb crying.

don't know if the scale is trololololing me or what.
but idc. no single fucks are given because there's quite a probability that i really am under 125 lbs again. not by much but it's a start.

MUST GET TO 54 KILOS. MUST CONTINUE LUNCH SKIPPING DIET. because no matter how small the progress i've made i've made progress nonetheless and that is what I want.
allcaps was needed okay
doesn't matter what bitches say, I am feeling a lot better already. Still look fat tho.

but I still need moar pounds shed. so....
HYOSUNG, teach me your dieting secrets, so I can lose this fat & shit faster!
And no excessive exercise, I already have to tug the puppy around. not that i don't love the lil brat she's just a pain in the ass on walks.

Also, by god, whenever I go to my father's house, he feeds me all kinds of shit I don't need. But at the same time I can't tell him I'm starving myself (partially) or else he'll make me eat even larger portions.
so for now just doing the thing around 3/4 of the week mmmkay

school is released on the 21st.
I'M GOIN' TO NEW YORK AGAIN. But this time there'll be no american girls & shit.

Probably will be freakin' crowded but idgaf. What with my slight weight loss I am so happy.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Indigestion and Exhaustion: The Puppy Prevents Me From Getting Enough Sleep, But Is Still Well Behaved and Generally Adorable

My current indigestion, Baby, & insomnia.

What can I say about today? I've been struck with the worse case of indigestion that's what you get for not eating lunch everyday dumbfuck from the fast food I had earlier (curly fries & roast beef, so tasty and oily and fattening and everything I want to eat at lunch but can't because i'll get fattttttttt)

My body isn't yet near the Hyosung level of gloriousness, but I see a slight change (though it's probably all in my head I bet)...............................................

I am basically responsible for Baby in the mornings, I feed her, I let her sit on the couch with me, I play with her, I let her outside, etcetera. There's something about her that brightens up my day; whenever i'm around her, I actually feel some form of happiness. Perhaps it's her carefree & energetic disposition. They say happiness is a warm puppy, but for me, happiness is just a puppy/dog in general. She's much different from my current ratdogs, the chihuahuas ratdogs- that's what I like about her. Baby actually has the ability to restrain herself from barking at every single fucking thing that makes noise outside our door.

Her cuteness is an added bonus.

However, the only problem with Baby is that she prevents me from sleeping. Well, over 5 hours, anyway (since I usually go to sleep around 1-2 AM yes, i'm aware of the fact that i have insomnia) Not that I'd get enough without the puppy anyway, though. IDK why I'm so sleepless. Maybe it's because I don't get enough physical activity in the day? Who knows. Some may argue that it's a teenager thing.

Random other stuff:

Certain school worksheets *ahem* MATH *ahem* of late has been looking like this.
Red circles, red circles everywhere.
Not applying myself, they say.
shut up fuckers you're the ones who decided to force me to do online math in the first place. it's a horrible method of teaching math, just by the way
Ritsu takes pride in her failure. Wish I could do the same.

My inactive 3rd gmail box is now flooded with shitty facebook notifications (ew, facebook, I hate it now), and I'm feeling too lazy to delete them.

I've been following the second season of American horror story. And holy shit I had no idea that thredson was bloody face -
Now all I need to do is watch S1, which is luckily! on netflix.
But since each series is a miniseries anyway, the plots are completely different.
1st season, from what I've read, is set in a haunted house, in the present day.
2nd season is set in an asylum in the 60s, though some scenes do take place in the present specifically the one involving lana and thredson's bloodyface child.

I've caught up on some anime episodes. Finally.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A picture of le new puppy ~ Baby~ sleeping.

if you haven't seen a picture of my new puppy yet...

just sleeping.... the little cutie.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Le puppy has arrived, needs to be trained in a multitude of ways ~

The 11 week old Baby, an Aussie-Shepherd mix, has arrived at the house.
well, since yesterday.

That escalated quickly. I could've sworn she was coming later.

Reverting back to the subject at hand...

Like most 11 week old puppies, Baby is blissfully unaware of where the hell the bathroom is. So, as a start to my life with this puppy, I was forced to strip down the sheets on the master bed thanks to her little accident. Not that I'm complaining, she's a puppy, not yet trained, but still, it's a pain in the goddamned derriere to wash the sheets (though it's about time they need to be washed anyway- what impeccable timing, Baby.).

Likewise, Baby also doesn't know how to walk on a leash, sort of. she understands the concept of following me around on the leash, but prefers to sniff around the yards in my neighborhood and attack leaves. Baby seems to be teething as well, being a baby (no pun intended, she's a young little pup). So she seems to have developed a habit of chewing on her leash occasionally, especially during walks. 

Despite these typical puppy issues though , she seems to like everyone, and is very, very sweet. And adorable, I must say.

IN CONCLUSION... Baby needs to be trained properly, but will eventually (I hope) grow into a well behaved older dog. However, she is cute, playful, a true breath of fresh air from all the crap I've been feeling lately. 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Catching up on schoolwork, possibly adopting a medium sized dog. Oh, my life.

Life. It has just taken a turn for both the worse and the better for me.

Worse: Having to catch up on shitty schoolwork that I really don't want to do, but am required to do anyway.
'Nuff said there.
Basically, I'm choosing to act stupid because online classes piss me off immensely and I failed an english assignment. I was about 99.95% sure the answers were right, so that angered me.
In short, I was being a procrastinator.
'Nuff said there. Don't care to elaborate.

Better: So, as it turns out, my family is either adopting or fostering a female Aussie Shepherd / Beagle puppy.

This is exiting news. I've been stuck with an extremely annoying chihuahua ratdog for years, and he's never liked me worth shit. Blame my mother for that, though, she's the one who decided to buy a fullbred chi- for herself, my father (who was not pleased at all btw), a three year old me and my BABY sister. Read any information about full bred chihuahuas, it always says they are not suitable pets for young children (aka, toddlers and babies).

Of course, I'm fine with my other dog, he's a chihuahua/dachshund/minpin? mix. He sometimes takes after the badly behaved chi, overeats, and is quite a little pansy around strangers. However, he is genuinely sweet and properly trained.

But still, A MEDIUM SIZED PUPPY. HELL THE FACT THAT IT'S A PUPPY AT ALL IS EXCITING! I've already seen quite a few pictures of her, she's just a baby. Won't grow too large, only 30 lbs or a little moar at most, freakin' ADORABLE, supposedly very sweet, gets along well with dogs of all sizes....

I am just beaming over here. I'm overjoyed. I mean, I like cats a lot, but my current kitty wouldn't enjoy the company, so a dog is perfect. High energy. Cute. Hopefully will be something that boosts my happiness level and therefore lessen my dysmorphic views.

I don't know when we'll be getting her, but we sent in an application.
Fuck yeah.

I think I'm going to watch Natsume Yuujinchou. Its ratings are great, from what I've seen and heard about it- it sounds interesting, I like the animation (BRAINS BASE BBY, Kyoani will still be #1 in my top studios though brains base is good too - DRRR FTW.)
It supposedly has 36 episodes, but that's all the seasons combined. S1 has 12 episodes.

I've been catching up on the currently airing stuff...
Chuunibyou: Finished Episode 9

So basically I watched up to the part about the girl who makes her classmates into eerie artworks.
The show is obviously aptly named. I'd like to see more on Ginoza's backstory. His father is a latent criminal. Perhaps his father is an enforcer? *hint hint* Tomomi *hint hint, makes sense, doesn't it?*

K: Finished Episode 7
Shiro got thrust out of a German blimp by some guy. uhuuuuuhuuuu.
Munakata seems to have no sense of personal space. js. (not that the BL hints necessarily bother me, I'm just not an OMG SQEE YAOI ERMAHGAD fanturd. In fact, I really dislike shizuo and izaya being paired...)

Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun: Caught up, episode 11 is out soon.

BTOOM!: On Episode 7, I think.

Other than that, I've put pandora hearts on hold atm and am waiting for SAO to end so I can watch it all in a marathon. Or something. Don't know. I've seen one episode of SAO, so my opinion on it is indifferent, but I've seen mixed reactions to the show.

You know what anime series I have never seen and probably will never bother to watch?
1. Bleach
2. Naruto
3. One Piece

They are all just to damn long.
Nothing against them, they're just too extensive for my taste.

Other OT:
I found a picture on some JP blogsite that showed all of the classmates from haruhi suzumiya. Quality of the picture is crap, is have much preferred a scan, but I like the detail.

Still, the side chara girls in K-ON! S2 will forever be my fav KyoAni schoolmates.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

My bare face

It makes babies cry.

Look at it.
look at the acne.
That is what my face looks like when I'm not on acne meds.


I look worse than Hyori's sister here and that's sayin' some shit.

Current Measurements (warning, I'm fugly)

Height: 5'5.5 (166 cm)
Weight: Est. 125-130 (last weigh in I was in the 120s range, didn't dare ask where)

Bust (Around Ribcage area): 32-34? in (though I wear a 34 or even a 36 in bra size) (81 cm) [smaller than expected]
Currently okay, ribcage still looks weird. But I will dismiss that and focus on my other notable body flaws.

Waist: 26 (66 cm)
Needs to be smaller. No exceptions. Ant waist (22 inches maybe?) would look better.

Hips: 35/36 (92 cm) (FAT)
They either need to grow or shrink to make me look correctly proportioned.

thighs: 23/24? in at highest point (FAT AS FUCK) (58-59 cm)
Thunder thighs, I have some muscle on them, but they are still nasty looking. No man likes thunder thighs.

Calves: 13.5 inches. And that's with muscle/fat/excess shit. My calves are the only skinny part of me

Thickest Part of Arm: 11 in. No comment. Thinnest thing on body.

Neck area: 12.5 in (31 cm? FAT)
Looks decent enough, thicker than expected though.

What I want to look like:

What I look like at the moment:

Please, heavenly being, bless me with a skinnier body. Please, please, please, let this puberty induced bloated fatness disappear.

Because according to le chart, body fat percentage is 20.
bmi is normal, but still-
No guy in their right mind would date me. I'm a whale with huge tits and thunder thighs.



actually not even dysmorphia I'm just fugly

Not even Debby Ryan or Demi Lovato or any of the 'formerly fat' disney bitches thin
Let alone hyosung thin.
Let alone VS model thin.

I am going to cry
this diet was supposed to work.
I was supposed to eat barely anything for dinner but I think I've been gorging myself during dinner anyway

This is humiliating.
My fat body, I'm showcasing it to the world.

I hate the size of my rib cage and hips the most. I'm a size 34/36 in bras (around the ribcage) but my ribs look fucking massive.

I look disproportional.
My genes aren't supposed to be this way. I need to be thin. I want to be thin. I want it badly. Like a basement dweller who craves real life sexual contact.

No guy has even talked to me or bothered to acknowledge my existence.
No boyfriend even at 16 - fucking pitiful

It hurts, just the slightest bit.

To be alone, and not cared about by anyone.

And be stuck with this DISEASE, this warped perception of myself.

God. My feels are all over the place.

I can't get this off my chest enough. I hate how I look, I hate myself, but I can still be humorous and hateful towards others and laugh and act normal.

But on the inside I'm being eaten, eaten away.

I'm goddamned bipolar.... aren't I

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


So, if I haven't said this already, I have braces. And yesterday, I was forced to get them tightened.

If you've never had braces, I'll tell you right now, you do not want to have them. I hate my tin teeth, I detest ortho checkups, and I really hate not eating certain foods JK not like I'm eating anything as of late anyway, I did gorge myself with fast food the other day but today all I'm going to eat is water and a few crackers to make up for my fat feast
body issues are severe as usual

The top of this idiotic metal contraption is poking, no, more appropriately  scraping, at the top of my mouth. Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

what if it makes my mouth bleed. what if my mouth gets infected? 

Friday, November 30, 2012

FML - having to eat when not wanting to eat

Fuck my life 

So basically I stuffed my face with both a bagel and the tiniest bit of Chinese Lo Mein for "lunch" today. I don't want to convince my father that I'm turning into an anorexic.

I wasn't supposed to eat anything for lunch.
Now I'm gonna gain back the weight I've possibly lost over the period of not consuming lunch for most of the week. Maybe if I sleep in tomorrow I can avoid eating in both the morning and afternoon.


Can't remember the last time I weighed under 120 lbs.
Definitely not gonna get there faster if I keep this up

It's not like I want to be a skeleton, I explained that in an earlier post.

I just want to be skinny.

I'm sick inside the head, aren't I?

-unnecessary and short post- Bitches insist that Internet Explorer doesn't suck as a browser- I beg to differ

I've been using Firefox as a browser since I was around 12/13 years old- basically since I realized that IE sucked as a browser and that Firefox seemed better. I also started to use FF for security reasons, IE had wondrous amounts of security holes and a terribad popup blocker. Ads were basically injecting my computer with all kinds of shit, shit designed to steal site passwords, precious information, etc. At one time, the infamous Security Tool was installed on my computer from a fake codec download. (Fake AVs are such a pain in the ass to remove)

Microsoft now insists that IE is bigger & better, but tbh, I doubt it.

Reasons why I think IE sucks 

(mind you, I've used the later IEs and they're only slightly better, but still suck, though on my current XP computer I haven't updated IE since like version 8. Not worried though, since fucking nobody cares about it anymore, and it idles on the desktop, waiting for someone to care about its existence):

* No useful apps/add-ons - Want to block ads? IE, last time I checked, does not have its own version of Adblock, a very powerful FF & Chrome addon that almost completely obliterates all forms of annoying advertising. In fact, I'm very sure that IE does not even have its own app/addon site, let alone AB or Noscript. The lack of helpful apps definitely contributes to the crap security.

* Popup blocker - doesn't block cat shit. When I first discovered MF and illegal downloading in general, when IE was still my main browser, almost no popups would be blocked, despite the fact that the 'popup blocker' was functioning.

* Security - There's security holes in every browser, but IMHO, IE probably has the most.
No comment besides that.
Although it's not any worse than some browsers freshly installed, it's still the worst one to use, and pails in comparison to its competitors.

* SLOW AS FUCK LOADING - my computer is slow in general, but Firefox , even with Sandboxie added, tends to work decently, albeit a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiit slower than I want it to. But IE is the worst in the [blank] is loading department. Pages tend to take forever to show up, and sometimes IE will just stop responding altogether if the site has too much content.


* YouTube ads - should be part of the No Useful Apps section, but the ads on YouTube are very irritating.

Well, that was crap.

In conclusion, Don't use IE.

The only thing it is literally good for is downloading another browser.

-Thanks for reading a really lame passage about a lame browser from yours truly, I apologize for not being moar descriptive.-

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Possible K-Pop diets so I can slim my ass down to a size 4 again.

Idol Diets:

CW: 120something lbs (less than 130 now, maybe 125 or slightly lower)
GW: 115-117 lbs

Outright Proof That Almost All Kpop Idols Weigh Under 50 Kilos.
With the exception of a few girls, who weigh 50 kilos or even more (Julianne), almost all k-idols are under that weight.  Are they most likely all those acutal weights? No, but pretty damn close to them

And let me tell you right now, none of them are healthy, even normal Korean chicks weigh more than them. 160+ cm and under 50 kilos does not equal a healthy body, ya understand dat, bitches? These manufactured little popstars are starved in order to look so skinny. Celebs in America will starve themselves too, this 'thin' trend is not only unique to Korea, it happens wherever there are major print magazines featuring anorexics wearing slutty little slips and slutty little ass shorts. 

 YET I WANT THEIR FIGURES. IDK if it's my own personal issues or society that's making me feel this way, perhaps it's just being the way I am with fat 36/38 inch hips and a non ant (27 in) waist, and thicker thighs. I'm not going to mention my wonderbewbs because they are the only outstanding feature on my mid & lower body.  

But I wish to do something about my weight and get down to 55 kilos or lower again because I am sick and freaking tired of feeling like people look at me as a fat girl.

So here is a list of things I am willing to do in order to obtain the figure I desire so muuuuuch.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Bland thanksgiving- boring holiday, and a car for Christmas

to sum up my Thanksgiving week off - YAWN

I did nothing of importance except jog/walk outside to tighten up my saggy thighs
watch TV, listen to music, computer. Normal, mundane activities, that would've been done on any given day. Didn't even shop on Black Friday because stores are batshit cray-cray during Black Friday.  I repeat, YAWN.

Thanksgiving was blah also, my mother invited her BF and his bitchy daughter over. All the bitch of a daughter did was apply her makeup and shut herself in the bathroom and strew her cigarette butts all over the lawn. The girl got involved with drugs and shit a few years back and hasn't been nice since, if anything she's been a little viper. And she used to be a good person.

I almost puked on Thanksgiving, so I barely ate anything. The leftovers were as bland as the actual event. The dishes were worse, though I was luckily not stuck with the chore of cleaning them.

The only exciting thing is that I now officially own a car, technically? It's basically my major Christmas present, along with learning how to drive. It belonged to my grandma, who is now cooped up in an old folk's home - memory problems, she suffers from them, is almost as old as me, but is in good condition, so no complaints, it's a fuckin' car!

 Now all I need is a handbook, lessons, and the test, and BAM, I am a registered 16 y/o driver!

And then I can get a job in case the RIAA sues my ass

brb guys downloading Ke$ha's new album in deluxe edition ♥
Next few days will probably bring forth a SNSD Girls And Peace Leak too.
Fuck Yea Guy.jpg ~ AGAIN

Find Me & My Fat Ass on Photobucket & Imgur!

So, I have like 3 imgur accounts now (though they mostly consist of anime MOEBLOB pictures, memes, and a FEW ugly pictures of myself)

And I have a photobucket with over 6K uploads, and all dem pictures only take up like 50% of the space that PB allows. I really should delete about half of them, lots of duplicates and unnecessary photos

 Compared to imgur, photobucket is better space wise (as imgur only allows 225 images per account to be publicly shown, but it's also the only image host that my school doesn't blacklist   -derp- ) though the PB site has always been much slower to load, at least for me. Imgur will also go down for maintenance or be 'over capacity' more often, but it still wins in the loading department because it loads fasterrrrrrr. The same can't be said for Photobucket. IDGAF if my computer is slow, because even on a faster machine also known as the laptop that my bitchy little prick of a sister stole and does not even use anymore, it still takes a shitload of time to load.

Anyway, onto the shit:

--Main Imgur--
--Second Imgur--
--3rd Imgur--

-- My One & Only Photobucket Account--

Saturday, November 24, 2012

the shitty introduction

Well, what can I say? I'm a 16 year old, a procrastinator, a pirate, I like various types of music.

My name's Audrey, I wish my parents had opted for something more common. My original name would've been Olivia.

I have a very active and, for lack of a better word - BAD - self image complex, regarding my weight especially. I'm fat by model and azn standards yet I am considered skinny by general US standards- (because 160lbs and 5'3 is the average height and weight here - there's a reason we are all stereotyped as obese) but either way I continue to attack myself. Like, you're an ugly fat bitch with fat cheeks and a fat face and you need to lose weight because you need to be a size 0. I want to be 50 kilos like freaking Yoona like now. Not a whale 59 kgs - plz. Genetics went wrong with me because I'm not tall or thin or short and thin. I'm a nasty little pig in a family of polished models.

The physical features I sort of actually like about myself are my eyes and my boobs. :P but that sure doesn't make up for all my emofagging about my other less than stellar body parts.

I hate, no, I strongly DETEST school, though what I hate the most about my school is my simplistic idiot schoolmates (with the exception of a few NICE PEOPLE and the person I have feelings for) and my shitty selection of online classes. So I often find myself distracted and unable to complete certain assignments.

I pirate most of my music though when I do buy the RIAA's shit, I buy a decent amount of it. I am afraid of getting my ass sued. The MAFIAA probably doesn't care if I'm under 18, as long as they're able to sue the shit out of me. I hate our fascist little music industry, I hate the fascist music groups all around the world, and yet I still buy their products. I am terrible.

I like JP music and anime, but I don't go around yelling out in random Japanese, or wearing crazy ass little cat tails, or milanoo Lolita dresses (ew). In other words, I dabble in Japanese culture but I don't go around creepin' people out with weeaboo behavior; I've already gone through that stage, mmmmkkk? Same thing goes for Korea except it's just music. I don't spurt out various Korean phrases or call my superiors oppars and unnies. I just like Korean music. I technically have no bias either.
I'm 5'5. I wish to be taller, but not giant.
Brown hair, brown eyes, freckles; my face is bland. White as wonderbread, like my profile description says.

If I had to pick one school subject as my favorite, it would be history/social studies.

If I had to pick my most hated subject, it'd be math. I actually used to be among the top math students during my earlier school years, but when I began taking the dreaded algebra i, that all changed. Good 'ol high level math, my worst enemy.

Divorce sucks.
End of story.
I am hesitant to reveal my entire bitchy past....
So I'm going to say this and this alone.
I used to slit my wrists out of anger, pain, and hate. People would bully me, emotionally mostly, though sometimes physically- call me more than unkind names (some choice words: slut, fat, bitch, fugly, ho, worst person ever). I had some friends but even their defenses couldn't help me.
So I became suicidal and tried to die.
I thought i got over it.

I might not be completely over it.
I still suffer from depression and anxiety, even though I take medication daily for both.

So I try to look for humorous things to make me feel better on my down days. Hilarious blogs, pictures, silly things I see in everyday life.

IDK what my future will be like at the moment.

My favorite animal is the cat. Cats are loyal companions who don't demand too much attention. they also make for funny memes.
My cat is 10 years old but still extremely sweet. Felines are lazy, like yours truly.
There are so many reasons why I like cats, I could list them all day, but I'll just end there.

My second favorite animal is the dog, with the exception of certain breeds.
I happen to also have 2 chihuahuas/chihuahua mixes in my family. They are soooooooooooooooooooo very annoying. In the future, I would like a labradoodle instead of a small ratdog.

Also. One of my favorite animes is durarara and I have a weird thing for Nasujima. Don't ask why. Sankyou.


Aka, Audrey goes searching for a legit, free, VPN for the iPhone and PC and comes up empty. Life isn't fair when you're a 16 year old with no job and no car, learning to drive, unable to pay for anything without the aid of relatives, friends, or parents, stuck at home with absolutely nothing important to do except listen to music and browse the hilarious, horrible, creepy, awesome and sometimes lame, internet.

What can I say about the RIAA, the MPAA, (or as I shall call them now, the MAFIAA, although not a legit term for them, fits quite nicely, as they are, like members of the Mafia, killing things, specifically pirates' links and content) and their efforts to obliterate piracy completely? Well, for starters, they mostly fail. I both LOL and breathe sighs of relief every time some bullshit anti-piracy bill or law is rejected. But, there are times when they succeed, as sad as I am to admit that.

THE MAFIAA was able to cease MU and arrest Kim Dotcom easily, with no SOPA, PIPA or ACTA-esque laws set in place. And now they're shoving the '6 Strikes' Piracy Policy down the throats of the internet service providers, mainly the top internet service providers (AT&T, Verizon, Time Warner, etc). What does this mean for the future of downloaders?

as I mentioned before, I need to find a VPN, or something (Tor?) to mask my downloading habits, because i highly doubt that the MAFIAA gives a wholehearted FUCK about if what I download, by US law, is considered 'infringed content' or not, as long as SOMEONE'S sorry ass is getting sued.

THEY WANT DAT MONEY BITCH, and they will go to great lengths to obtain dat cash, MORE SPECIFICALLY, YOUR CASH, N***GAS, as their mostly thwarted attempts to both override the second amendment and censor the world wide web prove.

But, what the MAFIAA does not seem to understand, the concept they do not want to grasp, is that many people cannot afford music, and that, supposedly, pirates actually tend to spend MORE on CDs, digital downloads and merch because they are such huge music fans.

While I can't speak for all pirates, I can honestly say that everytime I receive an iTunes card as a holiday present, I go and spend the somewhat hefty amount (25-100+ dollars depending on the event, which in my book is a decent amount of money, considering i generally have none on me) pretty quickly. $1.29 / $0.99 / $0.69 per song may not seem like a lot, but time flies when you're shopping online. The same goes for buying physical CDs, when I do buy them. I have a few import CDs that cost a fortune ($50+ dollars, not including tax, buying shit from Japan is NOT CHEAP) and since I rarely purchase used CDs, the total adds up pretty quickly. yeah, I might download more than that amount illegally, but I still do occasionally pay for music.

IDC if it's not considered 'my money' if I didn't earn it myself, because IMHO, once you are gifted money - it is therefore your money and yours to spend alone unless you choose to share it with someone else. Selfish sounding, I know.

Anyway, in short, the MAFIAA is just not doing anything to help me in this economic downfall and neither is my ISP.

I just want to download the music I love so much without having to buy it, Y U no understand me, MONEY STARVED CORPORATIONS?


PS: y'all know you've illegally downloaded or uploaded at least one thing in your lifetime. The Mugi picture in this post is probably copyrighted and I just might be using it unfairly! OHMAGAWD THE HORROR SOMEONE IS LOSING MONEY RIGHT NOW OHMAGAWD LET'S SUE AUDREY

You've probably illegally downloaded a .jpg of a cute furry kitten or koala and you didn't even know it. You probably illegally downloaded an mp3 when Napster was still up, alive, and functioning.

So remember that the next time you go and decide to chew someone out for piracy, whether it be IRL, through text or call, or on the internet!